We ebb and we flow

Stuff happens.

Like yesterday I was at a breaking point; it felt like I was being pulled apart, and the final strings were snapping. Seriously, basically it was a brat session, at school certain friends expect me to help them with their work... I should elaborate or else I'd be even more bratty, so...


... So I find out that a certain friend only picked art this year 'cause I'm doing it. Ok, fine. But now she's making me paint her picture because she can't - she just doesn't like her own painting. Mildly annoying, but I can handle it. But now the teacher thinks my completed work is what she painted, and hers is mine... which, ok, is technically mine too, but I want credit for my proper one!
Case point two. We had a Lit SAC today. We got the text response topic a while back, so we could plan. Depending on mood, I might think over it, but usually I'm the type to just go in there cold and write whatever. It's just how I work. This friend... works differently. She's the type to make a hardcore outlined plan of everything before she writes - with quotes and whatever too. It's different to me, but so? Everyone learns differently, right? ... Well. All of yesterday, she expected me to come up with a plan for her. I don't mind helping her and offering advice where I can, but I stink at plans, so I couldn't really help. And she has this hissy fit like I'm supposed to know everything and and and come on, if I can't make a plan for myself, what makes her think that I can make one for her? Oh, get this. I basically said I can't work like that, it's how my brain functions. Her response?

"Well, I work differently, so you have to help me."

 Where is the logic in that?

What am I, her slave?

But moving on, so, there was pressure from her, I come home from school and I have to help mama with her work, my older sister needs help with her homework too - ohwow, I'm not a kid genius or something, I can just offer advice and support and wording, so yeah... ^^ - I have to babysit my little sisters, do all their duties, whenever my dad needs it, I have to play son too... and gosh, my parents are always saying that all they expect of me is to do well in school and be successful, but that's not true. I always have duties at home, and if I don't do them, I know everyone will explode. But as I said... whatever.


So yesterday was a breaking point, I was going to scream. I really wanted to blog then, but Blogger was screwing up? That goes for commenting on peoples blogs too, just in case anyone's reading. That's sort of messed up too....


AND TODAY, continuing with the brat session, my sister was not supposed to finish early at school. So I get out and I'm waiting for her, in the rain, and she doesn't turn up. Seriously, I was waiting around 20min, before I totally snap and just start walking home. I get there, and she's all inside and cosy. Turns out she did finish early. Thanks for the notice, guys.


Apparently she told J to tell me that she was finishing early. But J tells her (after she called when I got back) that I didn't turn up so she assumed I'd taken a lift. It's not her fault, she's an early walker. She gets out afterschool freakyfast. The case and point here is simple; my older sister kept saying it was my fault, that if I hadn't taken my own sweet time I'd have gotten the message, and that I'm always late.

It's a downright, in your face, no nonsense, nothing held back LIE.

I am rarely late.

Ignoring J, everytime my sister doesn't finish early, afterschool, I'm always first. I'm always waiting for her. The latest I'd be is 2min after her. And she seriously has the ego to say that I'm always late? I can excuse J, she gets there superearly everytime if our sisters finish early, and I tell her not to wait for me because I don't want to hold her back. Ok, maybe today she should've had the brains to stay because she should've known I didn't know, but that's an honest mistake. My sister saying I'm always late is just so... evil.


So, back to my WHATEVER. Second incident happened but 2hours ago, but I'm cool. I've realised then when I get upset, I get upset, big time. I am full of rantage (definitely, if Blogger worked yesterday, this post would be twice as long :P ) and I cry and think of all the awful things in the world... and then I just get over it. I'm not mad at said friend anymore, and I can't be bothered working up a proper fit over my sister's accusations... it's just so stupid. It's like, depending on the Severity of the Madness, maybe an hour later, or the next day, I'd look back on my Moment of Negativity and think:

Why did I waste my time?

It's hard to be a perfect person, and just realise at the time and position that later you'll see this moment as trivial. But it's funny, that, isn't it? I can't speak for everyone, but for me... it's just so strange how a thing can work you up so much at one point, and a while later you've already forgotten about it. Or you think how ridiculous you're being.


Or sometimes, when you have a problem, and it seems so bad and blown-out-of-proportion. Time goes by and another person has a similar problem, but when you look at it from an outside perspective - it's not that bad.

Human nature, I guess.

And also... no, I'm not developing any crushes, but I wanna give a thumb up to some of the boys out in the world. You hear far too often these days that you'll never get a 'perfect man', that boys will... ok, I'm not going there. But you probably get what I'm saying.


I just have to go out and say it's not like that. I've met very nice boys in life. And some of them deserve more credit than I give. Like, today, I was early to French and this guy who also went to my primary school but I stopped talking to ages ago because that's what happens when you get to highschool and you're me, and he just made small talk and it was polite and nice. Nothing rude and wrong and dirty like you can get with a lot of guys.


And, when I was waiting in the rain, this other dude does the same thing. Small, polite conversation - this guy I don't even know - but he mentioned that his little brother is in the same class as my little sister and such. Just so... nice.


Oh, cutest yet; the other day, we had PE, and everyone had to finish their fitness testing, but being the good girl that I am, I'd already done it. I also don't feel the need to latch onto huge groups of people to be happy - the two others who'd already done their fitness testing just had to join the rest of the class even though we were told to shoot hoops. So there I was, alone on the basketball court shooting hoops. I wasn't actually bothered, but S came running out of nowhere, and he just said; 'hey, can I play?'
And I'm like; 'Uhmm, yeah okay, but aren't you supposed to be in class?'
And he says; 'Yeah, but you look lonely.'

Isn't that nice?

^^

Don't ask me how he gets out of class.... he just does. Like, he has VC nextdoor when we have art, and he always just comes into our class and does his work. It's a mystery...

:P

Anyway, OMG I HAVE GRADING ON SUNDAY I'M SO SCARED I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SPAR WHAT IF I FAIL I STINK AT SPARRING I REALLY WANT MY BLUE BELT THOUGH BUT I'M JUST SO AWFUL AT SPARRING I HOPE SPARRING DOESN'T TAKE UP A HUGE PORTION OF YOUR GRADE OR I'LL REALLY DIE NO NO NO NO NO NO NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

SDJASKJFALSEJFDSLF.

AND MIA REPLIED!!!

ATM:


Reading: Deadly Decisions. Kathy Reichs. It's really getting interesting now! Yeahuh... I actually made progress.
Writing: Saving Jasmine. Well, no progress on that. And probably not for a while.
Listening to: Sad Song. Lenka. It's a happy song, really.... ^^
Feeling: Bipolar. I'm stressedrelievedhappynervouscontentandjumpy. Yep.


My gosh, it's like my favorite song off this album...

Don't tell me you wanna be

The kind of girl who's drowning

And don't be holding on to anything

That's gonna keep you frowning, darling


Everyone's compelled to look into the mirror

When they're crying

Just because your tears are pretty

Doesn't mean they'll get you by

Sing me a sad song and make me feel better

Sing me a happy song and I might start to cry

Because everything feels like it's going around in circles

And everyone knows that the world is upside down

Peace in,

Laila