These Are My Favourite Things #4

So what happened between then and now is life. It goes on, as it normally does. And things get better. They put themselves back together. It all works out.

Oui, you were right Ghadeer, as was Arvie... as was everyone. I knew it then, I know it now. It's just that at the time, you're just so overwhelmed, it's not so much the worrying about whether things get better, it's more about the when will they get better, because you can't see the light at the end. Yet.

I got there.

So it's okay.

And now I'm 20. 

How completely and utterly bizarre is that? I'm the big two-oh. I'm two decades old. It's not that I feel different or anything. It's just that the idea of it is so... strange. I feel like things should be different. But I feel like I'm no different than I was at the end of high school.

I mean, I certainly know more things, I've experienced more things, I can do more things. But as a person, I don't think I've evolved much. Or I can't see it.

Anyhow, I actually haven't much to write about. I feel like my life has become a pleasant series of minute moments, only worth reiterating for a short period of time, before they become irrelevant. I say 'pleasant series' rather than 'pleasant moments', because in all due honesty, there are still the normal stressors of assignment/exam pressure, family dramas, and everyday hiccups, but that's to be expected. And  it's okay, I like it like that.

But I like keeping this blog alive, so I thought I'd do another one of these things, just because. It's kind of therapeutic, too.

Firstly, I've been re-reading Harry Potter, because, as a self-professed fan (and having been labelled as one too), I actually haven't re-read it too many times. Watched the movies a dozen times over, but not sure about reading the series. It's embarrassing. I'm not going to bother recommending it, because, well, come on. If you read books, you must have already been recommended this series jizbillion times, and I can't see why my recommendation would be the one to finally compel you. But. I wanted to show y'all this...

Okay, okay, I’m going to tell you what Hermione sees in Ron.

A trio is a balancing act, right? They’re equalizers of each other. Harry’s like the action, Hermione’s the brains, Ron’s the heart. Hermione has been assassinated in these movies, and I mean that genuinely—by giving her every single positive character trait that Ron has, they have assassinated her character in the movies. She’s been harmed by being made to be less human, because everything good Ron has, she’s been given.

So, for instance: “If you want to kill Harry, you’re going to have to kill me too”—RON, leg is broken, he’s in pain, gets up and stands in front of Harry and says this. Who gets that line in the movie? Hermione.

“Fear of a name increases the fear of the thing itself.” Hermione doesn’t say Voldemort’s name until well into the books—that’s Dumbledore’s line. When does Hermione say it in the movies? Beginning of Movie 2.

When the Devil’s Snare is curling itself around everybody, Hermione panics, and Ron is the one who keeps his head and says “Are you a witch or not?” In the movie, everybody else panics and Hermione keeps her head and does the biggest, brightest flare of sunlight spell there ever was.

So, Hermione—all her flaws were shaved away in the films. And that sounds like you’re making a kick-ass, amazing character, and what you’re doing is dehumanizing her. And it pisses me off. It really does.

In the books, they balance each other out, because where Hermione gets frazzled and maybe her rationality overtakes some of her instinct, Ron has that to back it up; Ron has a kind of emotional grounding that can keep Hermione’s hyper-rationalness in check. Sometimes Hermione’s super-logical nature grates Harry and bothers him, and isn’t the thing he needs even if it’s the right thing, like when she says “You have a saving people thing.” That is the thing that Harry needed to hear, she’s a hundred percent right, but the way she does it is wrong. That’s the classic “she’s super logical, she’s super brilliant, but she doesn’t know how to handle people emotionally,” at least Harry.

So in the books they are this balanced group, and in the movies, in the movies—hell, not even Harry is good enough for Hermione in the movies. No one’s good enough for Hermione in the movies—God isn’t good enough for Hermione in the movies! Hermione is everybody’s everything in the movies.

Harry’s idea to jump on the dragon in the books, who gets it in the movies? Hermione, who hates to fly. Hermione, who overcomes her withering fear of flying to take over Harry’s big idea to get out of the—like, why does Hermione get all these moments?

[John: Because we need to market the movie to girls.]

I think girls like the books, period. And like the Hermione in the books, and like the Hermione in the books just fine before Hollywood made her idealized and perfect. And if they would have trusted that, they would have been just fine.

Would the movies have been bad if she was as awesome as she was in the books, and as human as she was in the books? Would the movies get worse?

She IS a strong girl character. This is the thing that pisses me off. They are equating “strong” with superhuman. To me, the Hermione in the book is twelve times stronger than the completely unreachable ideal of Hermione in the movies. Give me the Hermione in the book who’s human and has flaws any single day of the week.

Here’s a classic example: When Snape in the first book yells at Hermione for being an insufferable know-it-all, do you want to know what Ron says in the book? “Well, you’re asking the questions, and she has to answer. Why ask if you don’t want to be told?” What does he say in the movie? “He’s got a point, you know.” Ron? Would never do that. Would NEVER do that, even before he liked Hermione. Ron would never do that.

 - Melissa Anelli THROWS IT DOWN about the way Ron and Hermione have been adapted in the movies on the latest episode of PotterCast. Listen here. This glorious rant starts at about 49:00. 

I saw this on CricketFreak's tumblr (I do not thank you for the distraction, but then I sort of do), and I decided it was gold. I'm not usually one to fangirl about relationships, but I've always loved how they panned out in Harry Potter, so it irks me a lot when people criticise them. Ginny is an awesome gal, and she and Harry make such a great team, as do Ron and Hermione (*squee*). But what I really love about that little rant is that it just revealed to me how important details are. I have always loved the movies for Harry Potter, no matter that they can't do the books justice, and I've always thought the cast was perfect. But I never realised how the little shifts to do with the character really impacted the bigger picture - how utterly perfect it was in the books, and how damaged it became in the movies. Poor Ron, mostly. I think I filled in the gaps when I watched the movies, but now I see that he was robbed of his noble traits to be made comedic relief, almost. What a tragedy. I still love the movies, but you know, I really appreciate the finer details of the books now. 

Okay, that was just food for thought. The real food that I recommend is sugar, of course. I don't think I've ever done this before, but I really ought to, because honestly, I love sweets, and baking to sublimate my rage has always worked for me. So now I'm going to link you to a website that I tend to covet, because it is my all time favourite dessert/sweet blog, and it is utterly divine.   

Behold: Pretty. Simple. Sweet. 

I'm telling you, this is gold. I've made a dozen recipes from here, and they have all worked out superdy well. 'Superdy well' is an understatement. I don't have words. And I love Shiran, the lady that runs this blog, I really do. This will sound creepy, but she makes my dreams come true. And she's such a sweetheart (haha, see what I did there?). Anyway. My favourites thus far are her Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cake, Cheesecake Brownies, & Classic Peanut Butter Cookies. You do not know how hard it was for me to narrow it down to just those. Trust me. Everything is worth trying. I've made it my lifelong goal to make everything on her blog. Until then, I spend an inordinate amount of time perusing her recipes and salivating. So there you go. My secret. Take a look. She has pretty photos too :) 

What else can I recommend? Music. I have two new obsessions.  

Firstly: The Script. Most people know them, right? 'Breakeven' and 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' were pretty big. And 'Hall of Fame'. Well, Panda gave me two of their albums, and I just found a dozen more songs that I absolutely adore. Give the Love Around, No Words, Superheroes, Never Seen Anything (Quite Like You), The Energy Never Dies, to name a few, and ...

 

(I mean, the video isn't particularly spectacular, besides the fact that he is actually on that wire so very high up... but it's the song. This song  :') ) 

Secondly: Ella Henderson. Have you heard of her? I first heard her song 'Ghost' when I was placement last year, one of my paramedic mentors kept playing it, and I did quite like it. But then Panda reintroduced me to her, and gosh, she is something else.  She's become our cruise-y singer, because she just has all these wonderful songs that you really just have to blast out and sing along to. My recommendations: Mirror Man, Glow, Give Your Heart Away, Pieces, The First Time, and...

Come on, ain't that the perfect feel good song? ^_^ 

Anyhow, I don't have anything else to recommend, except maybe getting yourself a cat, and reading. Every day. It's good therapy. 

That is all. 

Peace in, 

Laila

Jazz's Prerequisites for a Solid Relationship

I think of my friend as a smart cookie. While she can appear to be a glitzy type of girl, she's quite perceptive, and I hold her in high esteem. She's been in two relationships.

The first has become a sort of joke to us. The guy was a professed Nazi. He was racist. He was racist against Asians, and technically, she's half Asian. How, we wonder. How on Earth do you justify sticking to that kind of guy?

We laugh about it, but her answer is basically: "Well, I didn't know beforehand. But then, when we were together, I just, I believe that once you get into a relationship, you stick to it and try to make it work no matter what."

She's a nice kind of girl.

Anyway, they were together for quite a while, I'd say over 5 months. It broke down because of time. He didn't make time for her. It sounds pathetic, but from what I was told, I think it was a fair reason. She tried so hard to make it easy for him, she was willing for them to just have a phone call a fortnight. Generous? I think so. But he couldn't do it. It ended hard. Even though she initiated it, she didn't want it to end, but he didn't fight for it. So it was over.

Her second guy. He's a weird story. He swept her off her feet in this whirlwind romance. Drive in cinema. Late nights at the park. Christmas dinner, and holidaying, with his family. $200 ring, then a $500 ring as a present in advance - he told her about it, but said that her friend had said it would be weird to give her two rings, so he withheld it. But he said that he didn't know if he could afford it in the future, so he was buying it now, just in case. He said he hoped they'd spend many Christmases together.

Oh, there were many romanticky words.

Even the big ILoveYou.

And then, just 20 days after, he drove up to her house, uncalled for, and announced that they were over because he 'just didn't feel it anymore'. No other explanation. No gradual break down. No other woman. Just like that.

Mind you, that relationship was only about 2 months long. I didn't realise it was that short, or I might've been more skeptical at the start.

Needless to say, it gutted her. She has been listless ever since, swinging between the extremes of 'what a complete a**hole', to 'what did I do wrong? what's wrong with me?' It gutted me too, because I hate seeing her this way. Putting aside typical insecurities, she's usually very well put together. I think she's a good role model. But now she's so broken, in a way. I have spent many a late night on my phone, or long hour at uni, hearing her out and trying to make her understand that sometimes people do selfish or inconsiderate things, and it's no one's fault, and there's nothing wrong with her. It always only works temporarily. The other day she told me that every day when she gets up, she has to convince herself that it wasn't her fault, or she can't get through the day. She said that she feels like he took her self-esteem with him. Ouch. It hurts my soul, and don't ask me for explanations, but I kind of know where she's coming from.

It's also added to my growing trust issues with the opposite gender. Sorry guys, but your record with the people I know isn't very impressive. Work on it.

But anyway, the one thing good about Jazz getting pensive is that she spouts out some wise and wonderful stuff. And this, my silent friends, is one of those thoughts. Of course, we discussed this, so this is kind of the refined version, but all credit to her :)

So what this is is kind of the foundations of what you need to establish when you're looking to get into an official relationship. It's not about the personal preference stuff, what to look for in the opposite gender, stuff to do with qualities. It's kind of neutral to that sort of thing. This is just to establish if you have the baseline to continue.

Of course these are just ideas, a hypothesis that hasn't been tested formally. But it sounds all right to me. It really just feels like common sense, but I guess when you get into the high, 'love is blind' and all that, you forget these basics. Make what you will of them. Here goes.

#1: Time.
The funny thing is, to be in a relationship, you actually have to be with that person. Physically. For regular periods of time. What 'regular' is is subjective, as is how much time is enough, but essentially, if you are never with a person, you guys are not in a relationship. In the average relationship, if one person doesn't make time, the other person will eventually go crazy. This is not just my friend's relationship. In Freedom Writers, that's what happened Erin Gruwell, and honestly, she was keeping kids in school. Still, you can't blame her man either. If you can't help it, you can't help it. So get it straight before you get into one.

#2: Fixer vs. Replacer
There are many kinds of people in the world. There are two kinds of people we're concerned with. The fixers are devoted to trying to make a relationship work, even when it hits the rocks. The replacers believe that when the going gets tough, it's best to get going and find someone else. Whatever, okay? I'm not here to point fingers. But what you need to understand is that fixers and replacers do not go together. In the event of a conflict, both react to it differently, and basically, a replacer will end up destroying a fixer. Let's say it's not personal. But it'll still hurt. That's not to say all fixers will fix every relationship they're in and get on with it. It just means they'll try harder. You need to decide where you are on that spectrum.

#3: Flaws.
I have always thought that relationships are not so much about finding the perfect person, but finding the person whose flaws you can live with. I think that might be a paraphrase of a quote, but I'm not sure. Anyway. I guess this speaks for itself. However, it might be problematic when you only become aware of these flaws after you dive deep into the relationship, when you put a ring on it or something. So the way you try to get around it is this: when you think that is it, this is where you want to get serious, you sit down and think to yourself - what don't I like this about this person? And you do not stop thinking until you find something. Maybe you need to quiz him/her, but you find something. You ask them to do the same for you. You establish exactly what you hate about each other, and then you decide, in advance, if you can stand them. It's not foolproof - you're still bound to come up with other stuff later on. But hopefully you can cover some of your biggest pet peeves.

#4: What? 
One of my favourite quotes from The Little Prince is: Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction. The reality is, if you intend to spend forever with someone, you have to make sure you have the same idea of what forever is. To some, it means 4 kids. To others, it means no kids. To some it means a ring on a finger. To others it needs no labels. I mean, maybe one of you doesn't even want a forever, in any way. So there are two parts to this. One: contrary to #3, what exactly do you like about this person? If all you can come up with is 's/he's a hottie', then perhaps you need to reconsider taking a serious step. Two: what are your goals

You know what? This. Is. All. Complete. And. Utter. BS.

You can pretend like you can plan ahead and prevent conflicts. You can act like you know all the necessary rules and principles to deal with problems. You can act like things like compromise, and talking about your feelings, and all that crap, can result in some kind of forever.

But you cannot control people. You cannot help the moment when they change their mind and decide they don't like you anymore. You cannot help it if they decide that the relationship you have is not worth fighting for anymore. You cannot stop them if they decide to leave you behind. And there's nothing you can do if they take your stupid heart with them. 

Really, the only thing people should keep in mind is that when someone decides to entrust you with their heart, and you accept, you have a responsibility. And it's freaking huge. Don't screw up.

But the key word there is 'should'. 

People should throw their rubbish in the bin. People should be loyal in relationships. People should refrain from murder.

And yet, there's rubbish on the streets, infidelity is rife, and we still have murderers in the world. So I guess it's okay to screw up someone's heart.

Peace in,
Laila

These Are My Favourite Things #3

When my little sisters and I form a reading club, splayed across my room, or the rumpus, heads stuck in books under the golden hues of the lamp.

The sky, because: People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness. 

Being stuck in traffic with Panda. Singing like crazy to whatever song she has playing - songs I wouldn't listen to on my own, just with songs. Me singing badly, her trying to sing badly, but really, she always sounds lovely. The way she squeals when there are trucks in the vicinity, and contemplates whether or not to give someone room to overtake.

Baking. Sugar.

My older sister and I sharing clothes. We're sort of comfortable now. She has the best taste in the universe. No, I will never wear makeup like she does. Yes, I am a little bit skeptical about some of her clothes. But I know they always look good on her, and while I won't wear everything of hers, or look nearly as good, there's still something in it for me.

My Kiki, and her patience.That cat. She tolerates so much.

The way my dad gets so excited when he buys us something. Something as simple as mangoes has him calling us from our rooms, and regardless of whether we like it or not, or we're hungry or not, you have to indulge him, for the enthusiasm alone.

The way Star and I just fit. No matter that we're in completely different courses and we don't see each other nearly as much - we still have an appreciation for similar things, and our minds are still on the same wavelengths. It's real friendship, solid, unbreakable.

Public transport. Buses and trains, to university, to placement, to the city, to meet friends. Everyflippingwhere. With or without music, with or without company. Long or short. Even the wait. I love it all.

Hugging my mum. The way she always exhibits annoyance - flicking me away, squirming, making grumpy noises. It's adorable.

Castro, my whale. Yes, named after good ol' Fidel. Previously known as Whaley, before Jazz gave him to me. What kind of name is that? You may as well call me Girly. Anywho, he's a great reading buddy.

Sri Lanka. I know that within the family, people don't take that seriously from me. To them, my love for the country isn't as important as theirs, because I wasn't born there, and I don't do Skype. I can't explain it to them. I won't. But I love that country, so very deep down, it aches. I miss my family, I miss the green.

Walking. Bike riding. Just moving, especially outside. Hard work. Anything that gets my muscles straining after a while, and just that awesome feeling you get after you tire yourself out. 

Books. It seems like they're one of the few constants in my life. Of course there are intervals where I may not be reading one. Of course there are times where I'm struggling to find the time. But I always come back to them. Cliche, yes, but they offer escape, and adventures I can never have. I guess our relationship is a little bit bittersweet.

Peace in,
Laila

My Top Ten Under-Appreciated Books

HOLA PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET!

It has sort of been a while, hasn't it? Firstly it was because there was always Something to Do.

By this I mean, what with two cousins plus my sister back, the weather quite fine, we just kept going out, out, out. Nothing particularly grand - I did A Thousand Steps for the first time, we went to the city to eat, we went on many walks, we played badminton, we just... do stuff.

But the last few days have seen me stuck in a lackadaisical limbo. Not even - more like a lethargic limbo. It has been HAWT. The week has averaged 40 degrees celsius so far. Although we all get together and have awesome conversations, I try to stay clear of the good ol' computer, because the aircon happens to not reach it. 

Today though, the uni offers came out, so I was forced to come on, and I thought I'd do a pit stop and write something. Here it is.

At some point during last year, my friend at The Loony Teen Writer wrote this blog listing a number of her 'under appreciated' books, which I thought was a brilliant idea and I said that I would do the same at some point. I figured this is as good a point as any.

But first, allow me to define what I mean by 'under-appreciated'. Basically, these are the books that you think (or I think) do not get the credit they deserve. Maybe the kind of books that you mention amongst a group of readers and you get the 'say whaaa?' reaction, because no one ever seems to have heard of it. Maybe something you think is amazing and you just cannotbelievethatTwilightbecamethathugeandthisdidn't (sorry Twilight). Maybe it's just something that has the potential to be huge, but for some inexplicable reason, is not getting the attention it deserves yet. Maybe its something that has less than 1000 reviews on Goodreads, when you think it deserves like 63,745 more.

So really, it's not a restricted thing. Just the books you think deserve a little more love than they get. So here goes, and they're not in a particular order or anything:

#1: First, I'm going to refer you back to my first ever 'These Are My Favourite Things', where I named a book called Dirty Magic, by Carol Hughes.  I luhhhhhh-v this book. Okay, that was stupid, clearly this is about books I love. Huh, whatever. All I can say is that it has nothing to do with witches and wizards and that kind of hocus pocus (the title still baffles me), but it's really innocent but powerful...

#2: The Clockwork Forest, by Doug MacLeod - or anything by him, really. The guy is funny, hilarious, in a really simple kind of way.  This one I'm referring to is just weird with a fantastical edge to it, but not something completely outrageous. Okay, in general, his books are a little bit very-young-adult, but I think you can appreciate it if you're older too - they're just fun and lighthearted. Two more I recommend are The Life of a Teenage Body-Snatcher and Siggy and Amber.



#3: The Year the Gypsies Came , by Linzi Glass. I guess this is a pretty dark kind of story, and pretty darn tragic. I got teary - well, as teary as I get when it comes to fiction. That's one reason I'm recommending it, that it ripped out my heart and broke it for a while, and the other reason is because it's set in South Africa. And it's also a bit close to home for me, but I'll keep that out of this.







 
#4: Siege, by Sarah Mussi. Oh. My. God. This book is scary good. Scary and good. What really intrigued me was how the issues loaded into it are so relevant to what happens in the world today. Poverty, lack of education, government conspiracy stuff... what freaked me out were those shootings that happened this year, in Kenya I think? At the mall? I felt like in a way, it panned out like this story. In a way, because the perspective of this novel is from the inside. It's fast-paced, intense, emotionally draining stuff, but it's also very quick, and leaves you with a lot of questions about today. A lot of the Goodreads reviews said it was really violent, which it is... but not dramatically so, in the sense that I don't think it's any more than plenty of other novels. Plus, most of them seem to come from concerned mothers. So don't worry - just read it already o_o

#5: Alif the Unseen, by G.W. Wilson. Okay, it's got quite a few reviews on Goodreads, I think... I donno what makes a book famous on Goodreads, actually, but 5000+ seems pretty good. But I don't think that's good ENOUGH, OKAY? This book is by a Muslim author, it is freaking epicus. Like nothing I've read from Muslim authors. It's adventurous and exciting and fantasical and amazing, and of course, there's that teeny element of truth to it all. It doesn't feel preachy, it's not about Muslim teenagers with their angsty identity crises - okay, I guess that's unfair, maybe a lot of Muslim youth need that stuff. But I've always wished for something where one's religious identity is not the foundation of the problem in the plot. It's one of my favourite books everrrr.

#6: Act of Faith, by Kelly Gardiner. It's historical fiction, set in the 1600s, where the Spanish Inquisition rules and censoring rife. It's just about books, really, and words, and how powerful they are no matter how you try to burn them. I don't know why, but the book is really resonant and intriguing, and I do have a thing for historical fiction, and this is a setting I haven't encountered before... there's just something about it. It's part of a series/trilogy, but honestly, you can just read it standalone and it's great :)




#7: Friday Brown, by Vikki Wakefield. Side note: I met her, I conversed with her like a Normal Person, and I love her. That is all. This book, it's Australian contemporary, it's dark, it is heart rending, it has these absolutely beautiful descriptions - almost poetry, really. It's about a kind of underbelly, it's adventurous, it gets downright ugly. It's a heart breaker. It's something that you might find difficult to love at first - in fact, you may be annoyed or disgusted - but once you finish it's unforgettable.




#8: Where the Streets had a Name, by Randa Abdel-Fattah. Remember I mentioned those books about angsty Muslims with identity crises? Yeah, Randa Abdel-Fattah does a lot of that, but I still love her for it. We need that every now and again, right? But this story isn't about that. It's set between Palestine and Israel, but it's not really political... it just has this innocent perspective that I like, I guess.



 #9: My Life As An Alphabet, by Barry Jonsberg. Another incredibly funny story, and sweet, and innocent, and unique, and quick, and cute, and I can't believe it only has 95 reviews. What is that?! 







#10: .... I can't find 10. My bad.

But the point of this is to get you to try read stuff that I don't think is read enough, and if I overwhelm you (if you're anything like me), you may not end up trying to read any of it. So yeah. This is me spreading the love. Do you guys have any under-appreciated books you want me to show a little love to?

Peace in,
Laila

Where I respond to an Anon

C'est ma vacance. Or the NIPS: Non-Instructional Period of Study.

I felt like I ought to write something while I can, but I didn't know what, exactly. It's the halfway point of the year. I was thinking of maybe summing up the highlights/happenings of the year so far:

1. Well, there was the formal.

2. Before that, I got my senior jumper, you know, the one where you put on a nickname? I really really wanted to have my surname on it, like a soccer player or something, but then, that's what my sister did when she was in year 12, and she kept alternating between: 'D'aw, look at you, trying to be like me' and 'Don't copy me, stupid'. Both of them hurt my ego. Why do we have to have the same surname? WHY? (That was rhetorical.) So yeah, I ended up with 'Nemo', which is what my little sister used to call me when she was still learning to talk. Hm.

3. My grades. My grades. I've had 100%s all year in English and Legal. In History, I've had A+s, one a perfect score, one off by one mark. In French.... hahaha. Haha. French. Well, I haven't failed it. It's been a mix of Bs and As. Haha. French.

4. Oh, two weeks ago, I went with three of my friends to Melbourne's Amnesty International/Welcome to Australia 'Walk Together' event, in support of refugees and asylum seekers. It was fun. I felt proactive. Some guy came up and said he was a journalist and asked for a photo. We were all like, yokay, sure thing dude. We did not ask what paper, we did not ask for a name. Only later it occurred to us that he could have been a creeper. I like to think not. Eh. C'est la vie.

5. On Saturday, I went to Monkey Pina's house. We made pizzas, like, with the outside oven and everything. 'Twas fun. And for some bizarre reason, she had this Gossip Girl card game-y thing, so we decided to play it. Um. Lesson of the Day: We're not Gossip Girls. Well, it was funny, anyhow x)

6. Huh, did I mention I turned 18? In May, of course. Fun, fun, fun.

7. My sister and I are not completely made up yet, but we're sort've talking. I gave her one of my Ferrero Rochers. 

8. MY COUSINS' BABIES ARE DUE THIS MONTH. SQUEE.

Okay, now I'm going to get to the part where I respond to l'Anon's request....

"...can you make a post about your aims for year 12 in terms of your atar, blah blah, and also about the top 5 things you want to do in the future, accompanied by the top 5 uni courses and uni as well?"

Ohwait, hold up guys. I'm going to do something uber creepy and maybe disturbing, but um, bear with me.

OhmyGod. OhmyGod. I just did the most awkward thing. OhmyGod.

I just... I just...

OhmyGod.

I... just watched a video on birth. I mean, not on birth, but of birth. A woman giving birth. OhmyGod.

*inhales, exhales*

Okay, to answer one of your questions, dear Anon, the uni course I planned to take was Midwifery. I wanted to do it at Monash. But, despite my many fluffy reasons behind why I want to be a midwife, recently it occurred to me that - well, to put it frankly - birth is not a fluffy thing. It can be bloody, from what I've heard, excruciating, and, well, pretty darn ugly. And I thought to myself, can I handle this?

In order to figure out how I would know, I asked a family friend who's taking the course. She told me the key to this answer is in Youtube. 'Type in birth videos'. I'd been meaning to do it, but I either forgot, or procrastinated, because, really, giving birth - actual birth, not a movie thing - seems like such a personal thing. Furby told me that if they're putting it on Youtube, clearly they don't mind people seeing. But honestly, it just feels invasive. And, of course, I was scared. I was scared that I couldn't handle it, and where would that leave me? I have, really, no other career path in mind, besides writing, but that's not something I can depend on, and I don't even know if I want to make it a career.

But I just did it, people. Right now. I watched a video. Just the one, for now, but apparently I have to watch multiple ones. However, the fact of the matter is, I watched it, and I didn't puke. So there. Midwifery (at Monash, hopefully) is still on. If not Monash, then Deakin. If not there, well, I donno.

Okay, so let me back track. Aims of year 12. My ATAR. For those of you who don't know, it's the Big Final Score, or, technically, ranking. I may or may not have mentioned it before, but generally speaking, 80+ is pretty darn excellent, 60 to 70 is a bit average, and below that... well, on the Asian scale, it's pretty bad. Though, I guess, on the Asian scale, anything below 80 is bad.

My aim? I want a 90+.  The highest possible score you can ever get is 99.95, which is obviously what my mother expects of me (NOT. She expects 99.99. She doesn't believe me when I say that rank does not exist), but I don't think so. But a 90+ in general? Yes please.  If you want me to get specific in terms of scores for my individual grades, well. I finished Methods last year and got a 30 (scales up to 36). I finished Literature last year and got a 41 (scales up to 42). For English and Legal, I'm aiming for above 40 as well, as high as possible. For History, I'm not entirely sure, but I can settle for 35+. For French, I really want a 30+ as well, but I donno. I can't quite grasp how good I am at it, and what my competition is like. So yeah :/

My other goals for year 12 include: make friends. Okay, not like that. More like, ensure that the friendships I have are strong enough to survive post-high school. I love my friends dearly, and I'm also co-dependant, and I donno how I'm going to survive the real world, and I NEED THESE PEOPLE. AND I LOVE THEM AND CAN'T SEE MY LIFE AHEAD WITHOUT THEM. Also, this may sound odd, but I'd like to 'take back' my Muslim friends. Sad fact (for me): I don't have any close Muslim school friends. Mainly because my original class in high school had no Muslims, and the ones from primary school kind of slipped away. But as much as I love my non-Muslim friends, there are things about me that they just wouldn't understand, and I have a feeling the differences are going to become more apparent when we're out of high school. It's not that I think they'll stop being my friends, but I feel like I need people that I can relate to more, who'll understand aspects of my life more. So I'm working on getting my old Muslim friends back. It's not hard, 'cause we're all still on good terms. Just not... close terms. Hm.

Finally, I want to do something Big as an Art Vice-Captain for the school. I was given a responsibility, I want to make sure it's fulfilled in the best way possible. I don't want to be the one that leaves everyone with the complaint of 'they never do anything, those captains'. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do yet, but I'm working on it.

So that's high school :)

Okay, onwards, life goals and blah blah. Erm. Well, truthfully, I don't really have any specific goals for the future. I'm afraid of expectations. I hate it when you plan something or want something and expect it to happen and then it doesn't... it's just.... slap. Ouch. Burn.

I don't have a 'top five uni courses' list, for that matter, either. As I mentioned, I only have Midwifery, because it's the only career path I want. If it was just to study for the fun of it, I'd probably go down the artsy path, Literature maybe, or Criminology. But it's not career stuff, you know? Just learning for the sake of learning. 

For life in general... well. Ehm. There are sort-of plans I like to entertain in my mind, but nothing really solid, you know? Some depend on chance, others depend on the money I have. Like, I always thought that as soon as I finished high school, I could go back to Sri Lanka and spend time there. Heck, maybe even to Dubai, and stay with my cousin for a while. I also wanted to go to the FIFA World Cup next year, in Brazil, but I mean, pshhh. Yeah right. Those dreams were in the time when the Financial Crisis was still open to the possibility of getting our money back in the immediate future. That's no longer the case. So I don't think travelling is in the immediate future...

... although... *blushes* I also liked the idea of getting married soonish too, and I have my reasons for this that I don't feel like explaining now but if you really want to know I might find it in me to explain that in another post ANYWAY, the point is, in theory, I could get married soon, and *blushes* for the honeymoon, I'd love to go on Hajj. Ohwow. What a dream. But, erm, I haven't the slightest idea how I'm supposed to get myself a guy, and as much as I understand semi-arranged marriages, I don't think it'll work for me. I feel like I was brought up too differently to be able to adjust to that, but again, I'm too awkward (and not very attractive) to land myself a guy, so marriage in the immediate future? Not likely.

AND I WANT TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP. How much fun would that be? Just me and my friends, in a jeep, backpacking around Australia, sleeping under the stars or in tents or in caravan parks, living simply, minimum money and technology, maximum adventure. Donno if that would ever happen, but gosh, it would be awesome, would it not?

Okay, lemme just get down to it and be realistic. Um, these are not grand goals or anything, but here is the List of 5 Plausible Things I'm Going to Try and Do When School is Over:

1. Start a book club. With my friends. Wouldn't that be fun? But everyone's all like we'reinVCEnotimetodoit now. But afterwards: no excuses.

2. Get a proper, steady job as a tutor. Not the sort of casual thing I'm doing now. Make money to make some of the dreamy stuff come true, or at least, ease the burden of the Financial Crisis.

3. Work on my stories. The novel ones. Not because I want it published or anything, just because I want to.

4. Oh, volunteer/join the St John's Ambulance thing? I forgot what it's called, exactly, but I want to get trained in all that emergency first aid stuff.

5. Attend more Islamic classes. I attend one, now, but I think I need more.  

Hey, bonus one: 6. Learn how to make fancy pretty cakes, like my sister. I love cake ♥

Okay. That's it. Questions answered. For the record, Anon, you didn't word anything badly, nor are you really creepy, I'm just paranoid. It feels weird to have someone who's been there from the start that I haven't known about o.O 

Anyhow, also, you guys, if you have any other suggestions as to what I should write about, feel free to say so. I can't say for sure I'll answer immediately in the future, but I'll keep it in mind ^_^ Cheers. 

Peace in,
Laila