The 'Strong' Female Lead

I read this post a few days ago, and I'm just very happy about it :) Why? It's kind of like a 'my-thoughts-exactly' situation, only Derek Landy (and I guess, his 'Twitter-wife'...?) just added to it, you know, developed the idea to more sophisticated proportions that my brain couldn't do, on its own.

[INTERMISSION: Have you people read the Skulduggery Pleasant books? If you haven't, DO READ THEM. They are hilarious. So completely laugh-out-loudable. And yeah, the storylines are exciting, captivating (though admittedly, when he gets to specific fighting scenes, he loses me), and the characters, whether they're evil or not, you love 'em all. But for me, personally, they're just so funny and that's the main reason why you should read them :) ]

So anyhow.

Over the last year or so, I've noticed this certain pattern in some kinds of YA novels, the dystopian or fantasy or adventure-y type. Mind you, not all of them are like I'm going to describe, but still enough for me to make out this pattern.

Basically, there will be a leading female character. She will be a kick-butt, in-yo-face ninja type. Or she will try to be this type, for the purpose of her story. Completely tomboy. And then, added to that, she has this certain kind of 'angry' attitude - you know, she repels people, she finds it difficult to accept love, maybe she's socially awkward, she's just better at hitting people, blah blah blah. And sometimes, if you get really lucky, she's also contemptuous of all things girly, or the homebody type of female.

And I'd read this books, write up a review or whatever, and check out other people's opinions (other reviews, or just you know, ask friends who've read them), and the general view is kind of like "gutsy female lead, strong, resilient"... that kind of thing, you know?

And it really irked me. Firstly, it just annoyed me that this was the type that got all the praise. What, so now girls have to be angry and masculine in order to be deemed 'respectable' female characters? I mean, to me, those characters were highly unlikeable personally, but now they were the role models for what the perfect female character was supposed to be.

Let me just say, I am not a 'girly girl'. I think I'm developing some 'girly girl' tendencies, 'cause, well, I'm a little more conscious about what I wear, and yesh, I do like pretty clothes, though perhaps not to the extreme of my sister, or feeling that desire to fit into the trends, or.... you know, I sound really defensive. And I'm digressing. 

But what I'm trying to say is, while I'm not into makeup and shoes and giggly-gossiping and shopping and checking out guys all the time, I don't begrudge that for other girls. Well, maybe the gossiping - sometimes I try to divert the topic and if it gets serious, I do start telling them off. BUT, generally speaking, if that's what they like, why should I be holding them in contempt? They're not hurting anyone. Except with the gossiping, maybe...

ANYWAY. The point is, the point is, when these female leads that I'm talking about start dissing the 'airheads' that are fashionable or lovestruck, I just get really annoyed. No, I mean, I wouldn't, if not for the fact that I've noticed it in multiple books this year and the last. If it was just one here or there, whatever, you know? But this is a pattern. A trend. An unhealthy one. That's mostly being applauded.

So yeah, I started getting really annoyed at this developing stereotype. And then I read that post by Derek Landy, and his Twitter-wife's article (although, admittedly, some of it was lost on me, because I'm not really familiar with all the superhero movie references she makes o.o), and I was just so pleased because they highlighted this issue, in their wise way, and did it without the raging and ranting that I would have done it with, and yeah. 

One of the messages is basically:

REMOVE THE LABELS. Let female characters be female characters. 

I mean, take Bella Swan. I remember, when I was in 'Camp Anti-Twilight', this girl on SW was doing a series of rants about different aspects of Twilight. And she was doing character focused ones, and when she got to Bella... well, you can imagine how much she had to say. Everyone has a lot to say. The common criticism is that she's weak (and angsty and annoying and co-dependant and pathetic and blahdiblahblah). This girl, doing her rants, was all like 'Bella is such a disgrace, while she so readily helps around the house and blah blah, you will never find her doing something that's not all wifey/motherly, you know, like painting a fence or something....".

And, even being in Camp Anti-Twilight, I still didn't really like that argument. Yes, Bella was angsty and all that jazz, but why the need to mention she doesn't do what she calls 'guy work'? So what? My older sister doesn't do guy work. She hates working outside the house. She hates getting her hands dirty. Big deal. I don't think that makes her a disgrace to womankind. And I don't think it's a crime to be weak, either. Boys and girls both can be weak, and in the name of making 'realistic' characters, why would it be such a bad thing to have a protagonist that was 'weak' in that way? 

""Strength" is one dimensional. It's saying "women can be strong like men", NOT "women are flawed, complex, brilliant, weak LIKE MEN."

(That being said, I'm still not a fan of Twilight, but to each his/her own *shrug*)

Also, that 'stereotype' that I mentioned was developing? I'm not really against it, in the sense that like Bella-Swan types of girls, there are obviously the angry-antisocial-tomboy types of girls too. I just want to remove this notion that they are the epitome of what the perfect female character - or female - should be. 

Really, read the blog post + the article. Much more worth reading than this post, for that matter x) 

Thoughts?

Okay, just some other things...

THE BOOK THIEF TRAILER CAME OUT!!! ZOMG. ZOMG. Okay. It's awesome. 

And you know, if you were thinking of Death, according to the amazing Markus Zusak: 

"…and I will just say to all the loyal readers out there who might be wondering if Death narrates the actual film, as he does in the book:

The answer is an emphatic

YES.

...

Just as he does in the book, Death will help look after us.

And he’ll do his very best."

 

Ummm... yeah. I have my first exam (French oral) on the 23rd of October o_o Scared. I donno. Everything's so close. Talking about the Valedictory dinner and the Farewell Assembly, getting the dates for final SACs, applying for universities, getting 'life talks'... it's just overwhelming. Trying not to think about it, but it just keeps coming back :/

Peace in,

Laila

The Fall of an Empress // Gender Bender

These last few days have been ... tumultuous.

On Thursday the 15th of August, my grandmother passed away. 

It wasn't a surprise. She'd been on her last days for a while now. And truthfully, I hadn't been worried about her, but my father. My father... is really attached to his mother. I mean, really, more than any of his siblings. And I was afraid of how he'd take it.

On that night, I had just turned off my laptop, when I heard the most frightening sound ever. Of my 18 years, I had not heard my father cry once. But on that night, he wailed, and I don't think I'll ever forget it. Fathers are supposed to be the 'rocks', yeah? The foundations? Well, mine were shuddering and crumbling. When I cried, I cried for him, I think, more than anything.

My grandmother had 87 years. She had 7 kids - 13, actually, but five of them were caught between miscarriage and still birth. Her 7 kids, they made 24 kids - and there's a chance there may be more. She lived to see some of her grandkids make up to 19 great-grandchildren. She lived to see her legacy spread across the world; we have been/are in England, in Dubai, in Japan, in the US, in Australia, in Bangladesh, in France. 

At first I thought we didn't really have a connection, my grandmother and I. There was a language barrier. I mean, understood Tamil, but the words were awkward on my mouth, and every time I tried to put in effort to speak, my cousins would started their hyped up teasing: "Oh, oh, guys, come on - look, Laila's going to start speaking. This is going to be great."

So obviously, I'd instantly shut down. But I had tried to speak to my grandmother, the only other problem was, she could never hear me. I donno. Some say I have a quiet voice, but I don't think it's that quiet - in fact, my friends would tell you the contrary. But my grandmother, no matter how loud I talked, she couldn't hear.

So I thought, you know, we're not close. Everything I know about her, my cousins told me, and I envied them for the connection they had, but I was also glad to be hearing the stories she told them. Because she was a spunky woman.

I've always known her as teeny tiny and all wrinkly. I used to think her blue eyes were a thing of old age - you know, sometimes eyes go all... rheumy? I think that's the word. But anyway, her eyes weren't rheumy, they were naturally blue, and sharp. A startling feature for the average Lankan. 

But it was her height that was funny, because she was so tiny, and yet so commanding. My cousin told me this one story, back in the very very very old days, when my grandmother was a young mother, pregnant, and alone in an incomplete-house on a hill. My grandfather had gone out. A bunch of 'rowdies' came along, and they started banging on the front door, trying to freak her out and get her to open the door. What's more, there was a back door that wasn't actually fitted and lock-able, and they could've easily gotten in.

But my grandmother, she didn't panic. She didn't try to fix up the back, thereby alerting them to its weakness. She just yelled at them, through the door, while they taunted and teased. And while they stood at the front door, banging away, she poured chilli powder through the grate at the top of the door. They ran away in tears, apparently, and rightly so.

That story never ceased to make me laugh, but I was never surprised. This is a woman, who, in her weak 80s, never allowed any of my gentlemanly boy cousins, who hovered about, to help her down the stairs. This is a woman who hated slow drivers, who had a serious need for speed.

And I did have a connection with her. Just because she was my blood, just because she was the mother of my father. Just because even though we'd never been able to converse normally, she always had this special nickname for me, just me, and as small and trivial as it may seem, it was still there.

I heard that leading up to the days of her death, people flocked from all over the country to her house - her house. It didn't have a street number, it was literally named after her: Aneesa Villa. Practically her palace. These were the people who'd she helped, advised, encouraged, and befriended.

And they came to our house, too. In the last two days, visitors have been dropping by non-stop, people I didn't even know. I don't think it's just because of my dad - I think it's just her.

So I don't really pity her, nor do I mourn her too much. I know she's in the best hands, God's hands. I pray for my dad to have strength, but my grandmother - masha'allah, she had a good run, and insha'allah, she's heading to a better place.

There was another shocker, though. This one not tragic, but more... o.o I donno. Bizarre?

Yesterday, around midnight, when the last visitors were leaving, Kiko was finally freed from the room we'd had him locked in (for his own protection, mind you). After eating and drinking, he started making this really weird sound. I've heard it before - it's that other worldly sound that I hear cats making sometimes, outside, like, a mix between a baby and a meow. I wasn't worried, because, having heard other cats do it, I figured it was something natural. But I needed to quell it, or my parents would get mad.

So, as we all do, I Googled it.

The sound was to do with them being in 'heat'. Oh, cool, I thought. Cat just needs to get laid. Well, I ain't stopping him.

Then I was reading through other details of being in 'heat', and I noticed there were these 'symptoms' that in fact, Kiko had had in a supposed illness that we presumed, a few weeks ago. I was like... whoa o.o Poor dude. 

Then I realised that in fact, when speaking of cats in heat, they always referred to the cats as... she.

...

So, ladies and gentlemen, Kiko is now, in fact... Kiki. I keep thinking of all the times we teased 'him' about being such a pansy, such a girl. I think about all the times we assumed 'he' was having an identity crisis, when 'he' constantly preened 'himself', allowed 'himself' to be dressed in pink. I think of all the conversations I had with 'him', after 'he'd' come back from some proving-my-manhood escapade, and I'd assure 'him' that lots of girls dig a sensitive guy.

...

Also, in the morning, when I looked outside, I saw her snoozing with some other neighbourhood heartbreaker. My first thought was: DAMN, she works first.

Then when Prince Charming hung around all freaking day, just sitting and sleeping around where precious Kiki was sleeping, I, um, got a very bad/awkward/kindofexcited feeling. 

I think the cat is pregnant o.O

Do I know what to do? No. Did I Google it? Yes. Did it have an answer? Duh.

The big one was always 'have her desexed'. I can't do that. The very notion makes me sick. I mean, I know it's normal around here and everything, but to me it feels all wrong, like, who are we take that natural part of an animal away from them, just because we can't handle it?

So it's going to be stressful, and it's going to be insane, but I think I'm just going to let nature take its course. I hope it works out...

Peace in,
Laila

Eid Mubarak!

I reckon I'm three days late? But since Australia's ahead of everyone, I guess that makes me two days late. And because goes for three days anyway, I'm on time :)

How was everyone's Eid?

We had a 'quiet' Eid. My dad, in particular, wasn't feeling up to it because my grandmother is ill, with that disease that most people get to know: old age.

Anyhow, a quiet Eid meant we had Louise and her girls over for lunch. Oh, Louise's mother also came over from Pakistan, and they're all so cute and cuddly together. The girls love their grandmother; we went to an iftar at the masjid, and the grandmother was going to stay to pray taraweeh, with my mother, and the girls got really sad because they didn't want to 'leave her behind'. I only wish I had that connection with my grandmothers.

So yeah, they came over for the day. I was really excited because for once, we got all the little kiddies presents.

I KNOW. I know. That's supposed to be a natural with Eid, right? Well, my parents were never good at it, so I didn't really get many Eid presents, growing up. But at the start of Ramadan, it was SALE time, and I just had this brainwave: I know the strain on the family right now, in getting presents for the kids. But what if all of us, who had money to give, put in, say, $10 each, and at sale time, that covers a whole lot of toys. So I got presents for my little sisters - like actual stuff they'd like-

FLASHBACK: One Eid, my mother made the effort to get my older sister and I presents.  She got us a plastic footy thingie on a chain. One: it was a footy. We hated Aussie Rules Football. Two: it was such a Guy present. Like, all our friends were getting Barbie, and they could all play together, but we had this plastic footy thing and we'd always be left out. Three: I mean, the last two could be tolerable if in fact we could actually KICK the footy. But it was a plastic thing. Solid plastic. You couldn't even play stupid footy with it.

I told her she needn't worry about presents again.

- and they were just so thrilled. And I got presents for Louise's kids too, and my little cousins, and I was happy. Then I felt bad because I put in all my money for the kids, and I had nothing left over to buy Linchy a present (SORRY LINCHSTER o_o ). But hey, my Eid present was a rock. Literally.

I was riling my little cousin about how I had gotten her a present, and she hadn't gotten me anything, so she gave me that rock, which, btw, she hadn't even painted herself. And then she said my older sister and I had to share. Yes. Kids. Still, I'm sure the kid who painted it for her did it with love ^_^

And yeah, so I went to Linchy's for dinner, and we watched Wreck It Ralph which was so cutefunnysadandepic. And that was that.

And now, I got photos of my nephew! Lemme introduce:

Little Mr Dubai: Yousuf

SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE.

Umm. That's it. Feel free to share your Eid happenings here, or link me to a blog, though I think I'm following most of you anyhow. Ta.

Peace in,
Laila

Wedding Bells

So much for the 'I'm-going-to-post-random-stuff-to-get-into-the-Ramadan-spirit' thing. Um. Excuses. I've been tired. I've been busy. I've been... really really tired. And admittedly, this was not such a great Ramadan for me, so far. It was really a slap in the face to be told we were already in the last 10 days o.o I'm usually much better, but this time I let it slip away :/ Insha'allah I'll get another year.

Anyhow, another reason why I didn't post was because I was waiting for a certain event, and... erm, it took some time. About a week or two after my last post, my cousins' babies were due. One was on time, the other was a whole week late. Then, because I had photos for the first, I wanted to have photos for the second, but alas, it hasn't happened. But whatever. Let me introduce to you...

Little Miss Japan: Sara

 Très adorable, non? And a week later (although he was due a day earlier), Little Mr Dubai was born. I have no pictures, nor have I a name, but I'm superdy excited all the same. I love it when our already huge family grows x) I love being an aunt a million times over.

I wonder if you remember this one? From ayyyges ago?

Anyhow, this isn't about my incredibly awesome perpetually expanding family. This is, as you may have guessed by the title, about marriage. And it may seem ... not that important, during this month, but I believe there's a hadith somewhere that says marriage is half your deen? In which case, this ia very relevant ^_^

I decided to do this post 'cause I had an Interesting Conversation with Linchy yesterday, and it also brought back to mind many things I've made Mental Notes about, to mention, but never got around to doing. Well, here it is.

So basically, 95% of my family has been hitched by semi-arranged marriage.

... okay, first, lemme make the distinctions here. Arranged marriage is when your family/parents pick who you're marrying, you don't get a say, it's just a done deal.

Semi-arranged is when your family/parents present you with potential spouse after potential spouse, but ultimately, you make the decision from who they present.

And, erm, love marriage, well, I guess that speaks for itself ^_^

Also, I don't think I'm going to be saying anything controversial, but JUST IN CASE, these opinions are MY OWN. I am not seeking to shove this down anyone's throat, kapisce?

Anyway. from what I know (and I rarely get to be overseas when there is a wedding in my family), we have one 'love' marriage in my family. A cousin of mine was the pretty girl walking home from school, her hubby-to-be was the handsome guy playing cricket along the road, they saw each other, sparks flew, and they approached the parents for a marriage, by way of doing it 'right'. 

It was not met well, initially, with her parents. But my dad (having been dubbed 'the cool uncle') stepped in and acted as her wali, they got hitched, and eventually her dad realised that his son-in-law wasn't such a bad guy. It's just the notion of a love marriage had all the wrong connotations.

But anyway, the rest of my family, from what I know, had semi-arranged marriages. You know, when people hear that phrase - any kind of 'arranged marriage' - the usual reaction is shockhorrordisgust. No really, today I heard snippets of a conversation where this guy pronounced his utmost digust for arranged marriages: 'I hate arranged marriages. They're [bad word] disgusting.'

Okay, so this is kind of understandable, and I agree when it comes specifically to arranged arranged marriages. No one should be forced to marry someone, everyone has the right to make their own decision, and I mean, it's haraam anyway, under Islam (so when you hear those horror stories about crazy Muslim families forcing their girls into marriages with people they don't know or didn't agree to - IT'S NOT ISLAM. OKAY?!).

But when arranged marriage is spoken about here, it usually encompasses semi-arranged too, and I'm here to defend that.

Let me go back to my extended family, in Sri Lanka. They live mostly in underdeveloped areas. The way they grew up, boys and girls do not mingle. Even if they go to co-ed schools, girls hang with girls, boys hang with boys, they barely socialise between them, unless they're related. Otherwise, they're just awkward.

It's partially a society thing, but also, for many - especially the 'villagers' of my dad's side - they're all just naturally shy. Girls especially, and boys sometimes when they have to interact with girls,  are just timid by nature. 

These are just the school days. Perhaps, if they got to uni, they'd 'mature' in such a way that they'd socialise more. But, the education system is really strict. If you're not a part of the 'cream of the crop' in the first round, well, that's it. You're out. And a lot of people don't make it to the uni stage. So there's very few places for you to actually meet someone and get to know each other inadvertently, on 'halal' grounds. 

In these circumstances, it is incredibly difficult to find your One True Love. Especially if you're of the Very Bashful, like most of my cousins. While some of them made it to further education, the majority, particularly the 'villagers' of my dad's side, didn't. The rest of their life is just building a family. But how's one supposed to do that if they can't find a person to start with?

Hence that 'brokering' business, where the families put their feelers out and look for who's available. They look at the photos, they ask around, and if someone seems okay, a meeting is organised. The eligible bachelors/bachelorettes converse in supervised conditions, and if they like, another meeting or two may be organised, and then, TRALALALA, THE WEDDING BELLS RING.

And it works for them. Trust me. Take my favourite cousin (mother of Little Mr Dubai). The whole meet and greet thing took place before we were there, but we were there for the nikaah (contract signing ceremony thing - on Western terms, it's sort of like a pre-nup engagement party). If you think it's awkward and weird and you don't understand how you can possibly just fall in love with a stranger, let me tell you that 

- well, doesn't that happen a lot anyway? You meet someone you didn't know before, and love blossoms after you get to know them. This is just a different, more controlled environment -

I've seen it with my own eyes. Oh my God, it was sort of sickening to watch her get lost in that lovey dovey delirium. Her man had to go to Dubai soon after, and they Skyped every night, and every day she just kept floating about waiting for every night, and I will not lie IwasojealousshehadallherattentiononhimwhereasIonlygettoseehereveryfewyearsIwantedhertodoteonME.
She had a special ring tone for him, and she made a Brangelina variation of their name, and it was just ewwwwww. 

But the point is, it worked for her. And for all the others. Like seriously. That's just how it is for them. I know my cousins, and I know that left to their own devices, they will flounder and end up forever alone. That's just the way it is there.

So when people diss semi-arranged marriages (usually under arranged), it really irks me because I personally know a whole bunch of happily-ever-afters that have resulted from them. Not just that, but who are they to just assume something like that is absolutely awful when they haven't experienced it?

At the same time, I was not brought up the way they were. I was born and raised here, in Oz. As it happens, I did go to co-ed schools, and although I've stuck to abstinence from dating and everything that can ensue from that, I have grown up socialising with guys (still awkwardly, though not that dramatically ^_^ ), and the thought of marrying someone I don't know, even if I've had meetings beforehand, just seems... crazy. Beyond comprehension o.o I mean, I've already said I doubt I can find myself a guy, but I've also thought about what would happen if by chance, I did find someone. would my parents be okay with that?

I mean, I know my dad played guardian for my cousin's love marriage, but I feel like he has a general soft spot for all the things from his village. If it was me and being here - I get the vibe that he'd find it dangerously Western and haraam.

Okay, my parents have an underlying, ingrained racism in them. My dad less than my mother, but it's a thing against Africans, and the way, for a while, the media used to portray them as thugs and stuff. My sister and I, having gone to a seriously multicultural school, were really defensive about this, so in some rather extreme ways of defiance, as a youngster, I used to say that I wouldn't mind marrying an African. Once, my dad actually took me up on this seriously. He said he wouldn't allow it, because an interracial marriage means me and the guy would have had to meet outside of parental supervision, so therefore, something haraam MUST have happened.

NO. This is absolute rubbish, just in case you didn't get that.

It's a traditional view amongst lots of ethnics - not all, but a lot - that 'love' marriages, like arranged to the Westerners, have all the negative connotations, of 'loose' children who do the hanky-panky outside of wedlock.

And so, I'd like to defend 'love marriages' here too. It's entirely possible for you to meet someone of the opposite gender, and do things 'right' - like my cousin - and just marry them before anything goes wrong. Why the heck not? Just becase you end up liking someone, it does not mean your physical bod goes out of control and does inappropriate things immediately. And by preventing two people who are in love from doing things the right way, you're only paving the way for haraam. Just sayin'.

But I feel like you guys already know that, so I don't have much to say on it.

And I know this is long, but I'm going to answer the other question from the Anon about Why I Wouldn't Mind Getting Married Young:

1. I donno, there just seems to be something awkward about getting married old. Personally. To me. It just feels like something better done young.
2. I like the idea of working your life out together with someone, rather than establishing a very independant lifestyle and then having to readjust it to make it work with someone else. I like the idea of finding someone to share the same vision of what you want in the future from the early stages, and then making it happen together. "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
3. I want to be a young mother. Kids are energetic. I would also like to be at a certain peak in my own energy when raising them. Also, the younger you have them, the smaller the age gap is between you, and the better chance you have of relating to them as they grow up. And you can hopefully end up being a young grandmother, and you may even get to be a great-grandmother...! ^_^
4. You know how people like to travel the world and do lots of crazy 'independant' stuff before they get 'tied down' to marriage? I worry that if I travel the world and all the jazz before marriage, my heart will never be content staying put again. I don't want to be constantly plagued with wanderlust when I attempt to raise a family. So going back to the young mother thing, I would rather get married, have the kids, have them grow up to be adults, the whole shebang, and then still be young enough to take on the world with my man, and I won't have any official reason to have to stay put. Also: I hate it when people think of marriage as that 'tied down' thing, like it's some kind of imprisonment. Honestly, if that's how you view marriage, if you really do follow through with it, I pity the person you end up with.
5. Like I said before, I've kept away from dating and all that for all my school life. I will not lie, while I'm not very crush-crazy, it is still a bit hard watching everyone else get swept away by their whirlwind romances... psh, yeah right. I'm actually happy to be away from all the angst -_-' But, a lot of us abstain for so long, and some may feel that way, so why should they have to prolong their loveless life? Why shouldn't they take the first shot at a romance, the halal way, as soon as possible?
6. Finally, if the right person presents himself/herself, why shouldn't we get married straight away? Why should we have to wait, unnecessarily so? WHAT IS THE POINT?!

That's it.

Okay, I can actually talk more on this topic, on a lot of other angles, but I think this is long enough, and I'm tired. Hope your lives are happy, and if you want to share how marriage works in your religion/culture, feel free to share :)

Peace in,
Laila