Girl Power

Well, Meli's post sort've inspired me to do some research on the topic of feminism... 

... and let's just say sometimes my researching is very incredibly lazy. I donno... one look at the Wiki page, and I was like o.O Hey, I had a brief look over it, and I guess I agree with the general ideology, that is:

Feminist theory aims to understand gender inequality and focuses on gender politics, power relations, and sexuality. While providing a critique of these social and political relations, much of feminist theory also focuses on the promotion of women's rights and interests. Themes explored in feminist theory include discrimination, stereotyping, objectification (especially sexual objectification), oppression, and patriarchy.

I mean, most of it coincides with Islam and my thoughts too - y'know, stereotyping, objectification, oppression. If by partriarchy they mean women's involvment in government, then yes, that too. Islam already gives women voting rights, rights to property, etc, so my disagreeing with feminism in that context would be disagreeing with my own religion.

So yeah, I was thinking, feminism, that's all great and awesome... but then my sister and I had a discussion. For a uni assignment, she has to write an essay on how gender contributes to crime. Men statistically commit more crimes than women, and their's tend to be more violent at that. I think women only beat them in prostitution. Anyway, she was saying how in the discussion at uni, a lot of feminists kept piping up and saying, well, yeah, women do commit crimes, they're just not given enough opportunities to do it as often!

o.O

Okay.

See, sometimes I think that feminists are so bent on trying to be 'equal' to men or whatever, that they kind of go around proving men are superior. How do I say this? It's like... the way they kind of go on about how women can do this too! and women can do that as well! makes it seem as though they're trying to catch up with men. 

In my religion, we do give women a lot of rights, but we also respect that each gender is different. That men and women have different strengths. And I think that feminism should be about trying to gain respect for and appreciate what women naturally do, rather than trying to prove that we can do what men do. I mean, if a woman wants to go in the workforce, that's fine. It's her choice, as it is to have babies or not. But, I mean, becoming a wrestler and getting all buff to show that women can be as tough as men is just plain stupid in my eyes. It's almost petty, you know. Likewise, that comment on women not being given the 'opportunity to commit crimes' is just ridiculous. Why should we be whining about that? We should be like: HECK YEAH, WE DON'T COMMIT CRIMES AS OFTEN. THIS IS ONE OF OUR STRENGTHS. WE HAVE SELF CONTROL.

I'm not saying all feminists think like this, to each her own, I guess. This is just for that type. 

I feel like when we're trying to prove ourselves to men, we lose what makes us great as well. How to say this? Ummm... oh yeah. So for Lit, we did a comparative essay between Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and the 1994 film version by Kenneth Branagh. One of the differences, as discussed in class, was the representation of Elizabeth. In the novel, she's a bit of a softie, in the film, well, as Mr H said, it was to appeal to post-feminist crowd. So I'll show you my paragraph on it:

 

Another natural order that fits into her time period would be the role of a woman. Shelley’s Elizabeth complies with the general expectations of a lady – a mother figure fit for the home. Elizabeth possesses the nurturing, caring characteristics that show her to be rather self-sacrificing and adaptive to all situations, particularly that surrounding Frankenstein. She puts up with the mystery of his misadventures with patience, and in the eyes of a modern woman, may seem to be a pushover. However, Shelley intends to celebrate the woman at home, her selfless attributes, her role as the ‘comforter’ is what gets the family through its most trying times, and she is more of a heroine than a doormat, or damsel in distress. Branagh, perhaps sensing the sensitivity of a post-feminist crowd, seeks to make the film Elizabeth stronger. However, the ‘buffing’ up of her character, her demanding nature and the need to be the top priority – it’s her or the project to save mankind – takes away that appreciation for femininity. Elizabeth’s character in the film is more selfish, less sensitive, and definitely more lustful than that in the novel.  She rushes off to the university after a little convincing because Frankenstein does not write, and then she demands to be a part of the project, or that he should choose from it or her. She wants to leave when she feels Frankenstein isn’t meeting her standards. Rather than immediately taking it upon herself to help the family get through, she delays it – though it is not her fault for the plot changes, it takes away Shelley’s approval of her altruism, and the nature of women in general.

Do you get what I'm saying? Why do we have to sort've change ourselves in order to get respect - why can't we get it for what we are?

What irritates me most is the contempt or... 'sympathy' for the woman at home. The 'mother figure', as mentioned. I have been half-brainwashed by my parents to think that I should complete school, get sky high results, go to university, study something very, very great, and get the best job possible; something like a doctor, or a lawyer. They did it with best intentions, however, so I don't condemn them for it, nor do I call it a full on brainwash. But all through my childhood, I've been taught to sort of find my role models in working women in high paying jobs and position. Everytime I was to write on the person I admire, I wrote on some lady I knew personally (or not) that was like that.

I admire them, I do. In fact, our beloved Prophet (SAW)'s first wife, Khadija, was a top class businesswoman, and in her time, it was a particularly amazing feat. 

I just don't understand why some women are put through a kind of inferiority complex because they stay at home permanently and play the role of the housewife + mother. On my holiday to Sri Lanka, I found my real role model (at least, a real alive role model - obviously the Prophet (SAW)'s wives are the greatest). 

Let me tell you about my aunty. She's my father's youngest brother's wife. Her marriage was probably semi-arranged, like most in our family - i.e. parents bring you potential suitors, you talk to them, decide if you like 'em, and if you do, you're wedded. I heard that although this side of the family loves to indulge in sadistic pranks on wedding days, for their wedding it wasn't done because she cried so much when her parents left.

They have a 'gang' on this side - all my older cousins are in it. They go out, have fun together, that sort of thing. And she's their gang leader. When they have problems, they talk to her. When they want advice, they talk to her. If they want to say something they can't tell their parents, they go to her. In fact, I was told that even the boy cousins, ones that are in their 20s and such, they even tell her about their crushes and such. One of my boy cousins couldn't tell anyone but her his criteria for the kind of wife he wanted, so they could start looking. This kind of stuff is pretty hush-hush there, so you can imagine how trustworthy she is for them to talk to her.

She guides their gang with vivacity, wisdom and pure awesomeness. And yet, she's not one of those wannabe-young old people. She fits in with every crowd - the youngsters, her generation, the oldies. She speaks all three languages - English, Tamil and Sinhala. She's bubbly and sweet, and such an all rounder on everything.

She maintains this role as everyone's friend as well as being a mother of three. Her kids - I love them to bits. Her oldest boy, Ammaar, is ten, and I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but he's my little gentlemen. Her daughter is a doll, a glitzy little diva, it's adorable. And Aqi-boy - well, you've seen him. Just AWWtimes25.

Her primary focus in life is raising her kids and being a good housewife. She doesn't work, but she's educated. Although her kids go to Tamil-medium schools, because of her they can speak Tamil, English and Sinhala too (and it's funny, when they're conversing, they just randomly switch between each one without even realising ^^ ). She's religious as well, and she knows her stuff. And if you think arranged marriages, even semi-arranged, are awkward, you haven't met them (well, okay, you haven't met anyone in our family - it would be hard to believe they're arranged, trust me :P ). But just the way her and her hubby, my uncle, interact. He worked in England for a whole lot of years, and she raised the kids on her own. Now he's back, and it's like they have't missed a beat. Yes, occasionally they bicker, but they make up so quickly too. The jokes, the kisses on the cheek before work, the balancing of their kids - it's amazing.

Under the eyes of a modern, feminist type of woman, my aunty may appear somewhat inadequate and dull, even useless, but I think she's wonderful. She puts a hundred percent into her family, and she somehow manages to be there for everyone. I've yet to meet another within our community who does it like her, and that's why if anyone were to ask me now who my role model is, I automatically think of her. 

On a sidenote: her name is Sumaya, the name of the first female martyr for Islam. Go figure.

ATM:

Writing: Chipped. So wow, I had about 6 hours yesterday, trapped in the confined back room of my sister's shop with nothing but my laptop and trashy music playing in the background. I wrote. Heaps.

Reading: Brotherband. John Flanagan. LoL, I was supposed to read this ages ago. I'm only two chapters in, but it's JF, so it's automatically awesome.

Listening to: Je Veux. Zaz. ZOMG, awesome song, and even if you don't listen, you must read the English translation of the lyrics. It's lovely.

Feeling: Content. I guess. No major upsides or downsides.

I want love, joy and cheerfulness
Your money won't buy me happiness
I just want to die with a hand on my chest
Let's go together discover my freedom
Let you forget all your stereotypes
Welcome into my reality

http://lyricstranslate.com

http://lyricstranslate.com

Peace in,

Laila

The Colours Bled

We snapped their spines in half and melted them 'til they bled!

:O We were so cruel. But it had to be done. It was the destiny of those crayons. What to do? 

SO, today Star and I tried the crayon-melting project, it was absolutely phantasmagorical, although perhaps I'm being biased because I'm too happy. Perhaps I'll look back on it later and go EUH, what is that bunch of crepes? Who did we think we were, Picasso? As it is, I ain't gonna show y'all yet, 'cause I have to make clouds ^^ When it's really complete, I'll put a picture up.

I also made cupcakes, 'cause I thought I'd do some sisterly bonding and organise some fun for the leetle bratty ones. Yeah, the cupcakes - as in the icing - turned out ugly, because, LoL, if I'm an amateur, my little sisters are amateurs-minus-one. But still, they were colourful, and they were yummy. 

It's funny, because even though the last days were grey and cold, they were full of colour.

AND, I watched Puss in Boots. Cute, funny, and it had cats. 'Nuff said. (I enjoyed the egg jokes, you know, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU INTO AN EGG SANDWICH kinda stuff. Gonna use it on my little sisters :P )

Okay, well, last time I posted, I ranted, and I wanted again to rant the very next day, but I thought it would overload you guys, so I didn't + I also ended up having fun on writing a report for my friend on asylum seekers, and you know, me and asylum seekers are like... high voltage.... ^^

But what I wanted to rant about... I'm not exactly sure if it happens anywhere but here. Have you heard of this weird teenage custom where on a specific birthday, they go out and do something... trashy? Sort've like, they get stoned for the first time, or... do the dirty deed... or you know, something stupid along those lines? 

Well, I don't get it. I don't get why, when you turn 17-18-19 or whatever, you have to do something disgusting, or more immature than expected. What is the deal with getting ridiculously drunk? What do you gain? A hangover, a killer headache? Is that really your ideal birthday? Is it really going to be something you can look back on with pride, something that you want to cherish in your memory forever, and tell your kids about?

But anyway, what people want to do with their lives is none of my business, so I don't really care. S'long as the drunk person isn't going to get behind a wheel or harm someone, and the dirty deed is cosensual.... well, whatever. Do what you want.

But don't drag other people down with you. 

So there is - was this dude in my high school, call him Big T. He was in my sister's year level. He recently had a birthday, and on his birthday, charming fellow that he is, he wanted to see a stripper.

(Let me just take the time to go barf. Thank you.)

Anyway, my sister has her best friend, called her Maki, and her boyfriend is um... Bill. Maki and Bill. And Bill was invited by Big T to go with him to see this stripper. Bill refused, because he's what they called 'whipped' by Maki, and when Maki says no, he doesn't go. It's sweet, really, he's so dedicated to her.

Anyway. Big T won't let up. He literally approached Maki at uni, and was asking her why she wouldn't let Bill go, it was just a boys night, a little fun, why was she trying to take over his life, etc. And Bill - he is a sweetheart, but he's basically 'whipped' by everyone. Although if Maki says no he won't go, he does keep asking, because he doesn't want to disappoint his friends either. He's weak at heart, I guess. Maki relented in the end, because she's a little weak too, and they were all making her feel guilty.

And I think this is all just sick. Okay, if you wanna celebrate your birthday in some vulgar, trashy way, go do. But why do you have to force people to go with you? Why make your friends feel uncomfortable like that? What kind of a friend are you for putting them through something you know they're going to hate, that's not even worth it?

And please explain how seeing a stripper is going to prove your manhood or whatever kind of rubbish you go see one for. It's disgusting. It's disrespectful. Especially when a guy has pledged loyalty to another girl, how can you break that kind of bond for your own selfish need?

Seriously - Big T is lucky that not only is Maki a softie, but my sister went and delivered Bill a lecture on it the very next day, telling him to be a man and stand up. I swear if that relationship was ruined, I was going to hunt Big T down and slap him myself -_-' Some friends.

So the lesson of the day is.... be a good friend. And if you want to do stupid things, don't force others to join you. That is all :)

 ATM:

Reading: Maybe, Maybe Not. Robert Fulgham. It's... a philosophy book, and I really like it. His writing is... quirky, and interesting - makes you think twice about things you do on an everyday basis, I guess.

Writing: Chipped. Well, I mean, sort of. I've been writing lots of little things here and there, haven't focused on any one thing...

Listening to: Still That Girl. Britt Nicole. Please listen to it. It's amazing, I absolutely love it. The words are so beautiful, and I'll only put up the chorus, but seriously, look it all up, listen to it start to end.

Feeling: Colourful. Haha. Ha. ^^

You were young, you were free
And you dared to believe
You could be the girl
Who could change the world
Then your life took a turn,
And you fell, and it hurt,
But you're still that girl
And you're gonna change this world

Peace in, 

Laila

Inside Out

I DID EEEEEEEET!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, despite my qualms and complaints of Skyping with my relatives, and all the nervous breakdowns and heart failures over that stupid camera, I DID IT. I went on Skype. I talked to my cousin, with the camera. Okay, it might be weird to be making such a big deal, but it is to me. We're taking baby steps, though. So it was just me and her, and then my annoying little sisters decided to join us, which was so irritating 'cause they kept fighting and I wanted to yell at them but we had visitors in the house so I had to put up with them which kinda put a dampen on my spirits, but whatever, because I DID IT.

Yes.

That's it. That's my big achievement of the moment. Gosh, the sacrifices I make for my cuz ^^ 

Anywayy.... I've been meaning to talk about this for a while, because it's always fascinated me, but the occasion never really called. However, recently it seems to be cropping up in my life, and I think it started withhh..... this article. Ironically... it's promoting a conservative dress code, with half-naked people on the cover of an advertisement for perhaps a more recent issue of the magazine. The point is: they're trying.

I'm Muslim, so obviously the conservative thing has been drilled into me. It was never really explained, just: 'this is the way you're supposed to dress. Do it.' Either way, it was done.It's clearly not just a 'Muslim thing' to be dressed down, and in fact, a lot of Muslims don't do even do it, but this isn't about Muslims, it's about girls. In general.

Still, I'm going to start with the Muslim girl part of it. It irritates me that wearing an abayah, hijab, niqab or even a burqa is such a big deal to people. I don't get how... okay, here's a quote that describes it:

I could walk out of my house wearing what is equivalent to undergarments and nobody would raise an eyebrow. Yet I wear long sleeves, long pants and I cover the hair on my head and I’m constantly questioned.

(Source: imagine-above-thesky)

I can understand the burqa & niqab thing in the case of, you know, identification for official purposes, and driving! The very idea of wearing those and driving frightens me! But in general, if people are allowed to take it all off, why can't they keep it all on? What's wrong with wanting to follow your religion? What's wrong with simply wanting to appear modest? What's wrong with wanting to be judged by what's in your head, not on your head; what you are really like, and not what you look like? 

And it's not even about us Muslims with our apparently weird dress codes! No seriously. We had a multicultural day at school, and Abby, my beloved Abby, came in the traditional Mauritian gear of a long colourful skirt, a tank top and flowers in her hair. It was sweet. I told her she really did look beautiful, and she said she didn't think so. She said that throughout the whole day, people had been saying how weird she looked because she was wearing a long skirt. I mean, really, people?

Now I'm getting into this rant... haha...I've always felt strongly, and if you don't feel like listening - 'cause I guess I can just drag on forever, I don't mind if you skip. I just want to say it now.

Everyone knows we live in a material based society now - if you don't, you've been living under a rock. Stay there. It's safe.

Anyway, it's all about looking glamorous, being... ugh, sexy, having the perfect figure, and so help me: if you've got it, flaunt it. I think people are beginning to get that it objectifies women in particular, but they're not really thinking too deeply into it.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite now and judge skimpily dressed girls while I tell everyone not to judge modestly dressed one. Truth is, we're born into it, and most girls who dress in short-shorts and whatnot don't always do it for... inappropriate intentions. They're doing it 'cause they're used to it, it's natural to them, la di da. It's fair, even if it's not right (in my eyes), and I'm not going to say they're all bad people or anything. They're not. They're just... a little ignorant. That's strong, I guess... it's more... oblivious? ^^

But for the girls who dress minimally to impress guys: it's not going to work. All guys are different, and no doubt you'll attract some. But are they really the right type? We had a talk in class today, and one thing came up about Sr N's sons. One had gone to the doctor to get his eyes checked, and afterwards, he said to his mother: "UGH, that was so disgusting." And Sr N's like: "What was?" And he said: "Well, did you see what she was wearing? The length of her skirt?"

He's a bit extreme, in fact, that's what Sr N was saying, 'cause she was worried about how extreme he was. But the other side to it is she discovered this is how the boys think at school. They look at the girls that try to show off as much as possible and they think... well, I'm not going to say what they think. Basically, it's an inappropriate word rhyming with mutt.

They go to a Muslim school, so you can outrule that I guess. Case point number two: Sr N was raised in a strict Catholic family, and her father used to make her dress... like a nun, I guess :P She hated it, she felt like a freak at school. So once, when her parents went away, she decided to go her own way and try something more... flashy. She got an instant reaction at school from the boys: they really took notice of her. But... she felt really humiliated telling us this now.... she couldn't figure out why they were dropping their pencils! (Dude, if you don't get it, don't ask me to explain = '_' = )

And she was basically saying: "I thought they were taking an interest in me, as a person, but that wasn't it. It was about... what I had on display. Not me. Does that make sense?"

So yeah, you can say 'Well, clearly showing off does get attention', but is it really the kind you want?

Anyway, if you look at that article up there, you'll see you can still be considered beautiful and dress modestly. I mean, okay, those celebrities mentioned are not really my idea of modest, but it's a difference to... the others that were mentioned. On the other side of the scale. And here's a quote from Emma Watson (YAY!) that I really like:

"I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder."

So that's that - especially on the topic of boys. PLEASE, please don't stoop so low to do it for a guy. Just don't. And back to the flip side: don't judge a girl because she covers a little more. Don't make assumptions that she's oppressed, or depressed, or some other nonsense. There will be those that are, but I find it hard to believe they're a majority. I'd like to say if you dress conservatively you're less likely to be judged, but it's not true, because clearly us humans are so clever at making judgements in whatever situation, but... just strive to be judged by your mind and not by your figure.

Side note: I put a video up some time ago on my 'Better View' page, the 'Killing Us Softly' one (LoL, sounds awful), but I think it's really worth watching. Really. REALLY. Do watch, please.

ATM:

Reading: Emma. Jane Austen. Well, I just finished it. To be honest, I couldn't get into the start, especially after Froi, I wanted to read about death and destruction and action-y stuff. But still, it's Austen, I can't help liking it towards the end.

Writing: Chipped. Progress, folks, progress :D It's going places. I'm up to chapter... 9, I think.

Listening to: Nothing. It's like almost 11pm, so I can't be bothered.

Feeling: Triumphant! DUDES, I OVERRODE MY FEAR OF SKYPE.

(Hehehe ^^ )

Peace in, 

Laila