May the Odds be Ever in MY favour

I'M LOSING IT.

Okay, I'll start positively: I WATCHED THE HUNGER GAMES!!!

Yeah, it was tres magnifique. My compliments to the director. The actors played it out brilliantly, and RUE! Rue was more perfect than perfect! I mean, this is my being nitpicky, but I was used to the figures on the cover, you know? And obviously the actors couldn't be exactly that. But Rue, Rue was exactly how I imagined! And better! She was adorable!

 

 

x) Sorry, ♥ her.

Anywho, I would've been more .... emotional, perhaps? when she died, but... there was this side comedic relief that I absolutely could not ignore. No, no they did NOT make it funny. I'm talking about my beloved Chamsi. From before the movie started to the very end, she was... bawling her eyes out. I can be empathetic, but when it comes to tears and movies, and fictional/trivial things in general, I am cruel. Sorry. To watch her cry was absolutely hilarious (I'm like the bestest friend you could have ^^ ) and so I simply could not take it too seriously. Just so you know, I wouldn't have cried. I would've just been... sadder.

And, holy banana, when those dogs jumped out, I was like O_O 

If I continue with my nitpickitying, I have to say the one bit that I would have preferred they'd kept in was the end, where our precious Peeta finds out that Katniss was most probably faking the whole star-crossed-lovers thing the whole time, where it was real on his part. They don't show that in the movie. They have time for it, I guess, considering they're making it a foursome ( o.O What is it with these splittings lately? ) but I would have really liked to watch him be miserable. NO, I am not part of this team Peeta team Gale stuff. I just... enjoy misery. Sometimes. 

Okay, so why am I falling apart? Firstly, I have made some self-discoveries as of late. One isn't so depressing, LoL, it's rather ironic. I learnt that I'm actually a 'romantic'. Not in the sense that I love love stories, thank God. I mean, it's not like I go looking for them, make a point of reading them or anything. Plus, I tend to dislike movies + books that centre solely around a romance. I like romance to be the side thing.

But despite all the ... soullessness, I found that I love my happy endings, and I prefer the 'foreverness' of a romance. I mean, we're studying Jane Austen's Emma, and we were discussing this part about Austen's view of a marriage that breaks the social boundaries and is based on love, and I, like my teacher, felt she had a genuine like for it. The thing was, most of the class was against it, and it's usually ME taking these things with a critical manner. But.. yeah, that's that.

The SECOND thing I discovered about myself is not clear. But. But. Basically, I've got a screw loose in the head. I can't explain it. I'm just so bad at... socializing. And it's not just general public sort of thing, or normal teenagers and whatnot. It's family as well. See, I've never cared that I'm terrible and maintaining conversations between people over here, in Australia. I don't care about the 'aunts that aren't aunts', or people at school, or whatever. They don't matter to me. But the one ... well, the people's attention that I really crave, the ones I really want contact with, I cannot have, and it kills me. I don't know why.

So the family is on Skype, and they want to talk, and I hate Skype, but I was so excited this time 'cause I thought I'd make this exception because I love them so much. You have no idea. And so I want to talk to them, but I sit in front of the laptop, and I can't formulate a single sentence, I stutter, and... ;LSJFA;KSJFA. What is wrong with me? THEY'RE MY FAMILY. WHY CAN'T I SPEAK TO THEM?

And this is a two-part self-discovery. See, the second part is quite clear. I'm infinitely jealous of my older sister. It's not like I really want to be like her, her temper is... *explosion* ... and she's very.... teenagery. Like, she loves boys and clothes and blah di blah. And I'm happy to be known as the silent, shifty geekburger of the family. But she...

... she's pretty, she's charismatic, she can maintain conversations, she's brave, and people just seem to love her. I can't do that. So I know her real side, but still. Why can't I just have one shred of charisma? Or at least a lack of awkwardness? I've always been happy to be in her shadows, but when it comes to this, my cousins, my aunts and uncles and everything.... well, it brings me to tears. Literally.

So yeah, there's my dilemma. If you have ANY advice, do share. I need it.

And then tomorrow I have my first methods SAC and I pray to God I can get at least 80+%. Pray with me, folks, please :/

ATM:

Writing: Chipped & .... Untitled. Chipped at home, it's... starting again. And Untitled is my story for school :) 

Reading: Froi of the Exiles. Melina Marchetta. *hyperventilation* EHMAGAWD, it's unbelievably awesome and dark and j'adore it.

Listening to: Brighter than the Sun. Colbie Caillat. It's so... bubbly. Ha. Ha. ^^

Feeling: Unstable. I donno. I need therapy -_-'

Oh, this is how it starts, 

lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, 

brighter than the sun

Oh, we could be the stars, 

falling from the sky
Shining how we want, 

brighter than the sun

Peace in,

Laila