#WeArePretenders

So, in light of Lisi Harrison's new series 'Pretenders', she sort of started a little trend (it reminds me of a little virtual revolution) where you confess your sins the way you pretend in the real world... I don't really know how to explain it, so I'll give you a few examples:

And my favourite:

I'm not entirely sure you guys read Lisi Harrison, but I do love her, maybe just as a person if not a writer (I feel like I can't say as a writer considering I haven't read all that many of her books). I started reading her Clique series when I was pretty young, it's all about rich girls in a fancy school, and although it sounds really superficial with all the extensive clothes descriptions and whatnot, I don't know, there was always something in it that clicked with me. As cliche as it sounds, maybe it's just that despite all that glamour, they really are just like 'normal' girls. And although I haven't actually finished reading the series, nor have I read any others by her, because I don't have access to them, I've been following her blog for ayyyyges and I think she's just amazing and I love her ♥

And I like this idea. 

I know the ones I've shown you guys are pretty exaggerated, but there are more 'realistic' ones, and you know, I thought I'd give it a go. Just for fun. So yeah. Here it is.

1: I'm a pretender in the sense that I act like I'm a dedicated tomboy because I don't want to give my older sister the satisfaction of knowing that I've 'grown up' in some ways, but I'm really excited now that she's on holiday, because I have full access to her wardrobe :)

2: I'm a pretender in that I tell my mother the sole reason for my choosing to become a midwife/paramedic is because it's a kind of selfless, helpful job, so my mother can't argue with me, but my choice also relates to a certain kind of adrenaline rush. I'm halfway into it for the thrills.

3: I'm a pretender because some people seem to think that I'm super confident and comfy wearing my headscarf everywhere, but sometimes I really do feel...well, you know.

4: I'm a pretender because sometimes, when my mother tells me to do things, I say I'll do it, and she'll keep repeating it, and I'll keep saying I will, and it will end with this whole: I'LL DO EEEET, OK? ... And then I don't.

5: I'm a pretender because I often check my phone like I actually expect something new or important to pop up, when I know, and you know, and probably everyone knows that that's not going to happen.

6: I'm a pretender because I act like I play music while I vacuum just to make the chore fun, but in reality, it's so I can sing along really loudly and not have to acknowledge my cat-being-strangled voice. And... I like vacuuming.

7: I'm a pretender because I roll my eyes and make sarcastic comments when I watch soppy love stories and cheesiness with my friends, but really I'm a sucker for happy endings. I also love Full House.

8: I'm a pretender because I shuffle my feet and bob awkwardly when I'm forced onto the dance floor at parties, insisting that I don't dance, but I'm liable to going all out and everywhere when I'm at home.

This is seriously me at home

9: I'm a pretender because I give the impression I'm an English nerd at school, but in reality, I have no idea what I'm doing when I write an essay, and I still don't understand what I'm doing right sometimes. (But hey, I'm not complaining.) 

10: I'm a pretender because I like to think I blog for me and no one else, but I can't help screaming a little inside, when one of you comment, or I get a new follower :P

So there. #WeArePretenders.

Are you?

Peace in,
Laila

Money, money, money.

On the 14th of November, a father was admitted into hospital. The doctors performed tests and gave him a report, and they were ready to release him. His family - wife, two daughters, two sons - were about to come visiting, but he calls his oldest son to tell him not to worry. He tells his son to just come by himself to pick him up, there's nothing wrong, why cause the hassle of hiring a van to get everyone to town?

So off this boy goes, catches a bus to town to pick his father up. The story gets a bit awry here, but from what I've heard, on the way out, his father had his first stroke. The boy is there to see it. He's around for the second stroke, he's around to see his father die. I heard he fed his dad, too. When he set out that day, with the intention of bringing home his father, he didn't realise it was going to be a dead body.

His younger brother too, still in school, did not realise that when he left for school that day, that was the last time he was going to say bye to his dad. The girls, too, went about helping their mother wash the clothes and make lunch, they didn't know that some of those clothes and some of that food were not going to be worn or eaten.

You probably want to know what was on the father's report, right? Well, it said 95% of his kidneys were gone. 

The thing about kidneys is that they don't just go. They don't just fall apart like that, one day. It's a gradual thing, and there are signs, signs that the father must have noticed up until the moment he was finally admitted into hospital. So why, you wonder, wouldn't he go to the doctors earlier, when these signs first cropped up? Why didn't he tell anyone earlier?

Money. He didn't have the money. Doctors appointments in Sri Lanka are pretty darn expensive, and his family just didn't have enough. He could have asked someone, right? Mentioned it... our side alone, my mother has three brothers and three sisters. Surely someone could have dished up.

About two years ago, we went on a holiday to Sri Lanka, and that proved to be the period where our family was conned, and we lost all our money. Not just that, but this 'business' involved the wealthier members of our family, so they too, went down with us. It was on that holiday that my dad told my uncle, who had reluctantly admitted that he needed some financial help, that he would aid him in any way possible. But my dad never got to, because, as I said, the money was all gone by the end of that holiday.

It makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling for a revolution, to burn all the money in the world and live in this happy chappy, airy fairy utopia, where love makes the world go round, and everyone just gives, gives, gives. I know the communist dream is only that - a dream, because in practise it never works. But that doesn't make me feel any better about the inequities of this world. All he needed was a bit of money, and maybe this never would have happened. But then, huh, what's meant to be is meant to be, right?

And still money is the problem. None of his kids are working, nor does my aunt. The oldest daughter, besides being a bit fussy, can't get married because they don't have the means to meet the requested dowries from the umpteen suitors that have come along (completely unIslamic, btw -_-' ). The son has just finished some major exams - O-levels, A-levels? all the same to me - and we're trying to get him to come here, but again, you have to have a certain income to sponsor someone to come over, which is also true of his sister. We're working on it, but it feels like no one has enough. The youngest is still in school, and I guess everyone's going to try and contribute to the tuition and school fees.

On Thursday (the 28th), my sister went overseas. She had this money saved up for a party we were going to host for our friends at the end of the year, but we decided it was better used going overseas. I haven't spoken to my cousins, yet. They're grieving, and understandably, talking on the phone is not the first thing on their minds. And besides, what can we possibly say from over here to make it okay? When someone's mourning, the best thing is just to be there, you know? And however you need to help should manifest itself without you having to offer pre-written, conventional condolences.

I admit I was a bit jealous. Not in the sense of, God, I hate her, why does she get to go? I want to go, it's not fair, my life sucks, I hate the world. It's more like, gee, I wish I could go, but I ain't hatin' on nobody because I can't. It's strictly a moral support trip, and everyone has been saying that if we had the money (again! >.< ), they'd have sent me too, so I'm not holding it against anyone. 

And then this nasty voice starts up in my head, going something like this: Well, will you look at that? When Number One finished school, not only did you guys go on holiday to Sri Lanka, but within that you also went on Umrah. And yet, when you finish school, not only is there no overseas holiday, not only do you just mostly wallow about at home, but there is the added list of  demands - get a job, get your license, tutor your sisters, clean this, do that. And they're even talking about marriage. They just can't wait to get rid of you, huh?

Really hate that voice. 

Anyhow, I don't really know why I blogged this. I told Linchy I would blog something, and I've been meaning to, but I couldn't figure out where to start. So here is Something. My life as of recent. 

I'm not as depressed as this sounds, awnestly. My uncle, he will be missed, but we watched a part of his funeral on Skype, and I actually saw him, and I expected something ghastly and emaciated, but in fact, he looked almost beautiful. Glowing. Nur, they say, right? Isn't it supposed to be a good sign? I put my trust in God. And I know my sister will be helping my cousins, even if I can't. I actually have another cousin coming in two weeks or so. And I've also been given this new resolve - I actually am really attempting to get a job, for me, now, because I want to save up and go to Sri Lanka at the end of next year. New Year's goal, I guess.

And, one more thing: this is so cheesy, but make sure the last thing you say to someone before you leave them, whether it be before you go to school or work, to sleepover at a friend's place or go on a grand trip overseas, make sure it's nice, okay? My mother, she kind of had this experience, in this post. One day, she said her salaams and went to school, and when she came back, it was to her father's funeral. Just like that. You never really know when you're going to speak to someone for the last time, so try, always try, to end it on a good note.

Be happy :)

Peace in,
Laila