Post-Exam Blues

Wahnsinn.

Insanity, madness. The term used to describe the euphoria that throbbed in the atmosphere with the fall of the Berlin Wall.

The term I was supposed to feel after walking out of my Literature exam today.

I really don't want to be this upset, but I am. I probably didn't fail. I wrote two complete essays. I had a tiny bit of time to go through my first and make it legible. It's probably average. But I.. I just don't want average for this. Literature was supposed to be one of my best subjects. I knew it was hard, but I had A+ all year. I'm not talking an average of A+ - literally  every SAC was graded A+. Three out of five were full marks. I just don't know what went wrong. The passages on the exam were okay, there was lots to write on, but... but something just... didn't work. I knew from the moment I finished my first introduction that these essays were not going to be to the standard I wanted, but I couldn't change it.

It's not just that though. It's my... No Regrets policy, that I'm trying to maintain. All I wanted was to walk out of the exams and say that I had put in my best and the rest is up to God. Even if it wasn't to a high standard, I just wanted to say it was my best. But it wasn't. I have so many regrets. I know I could've written better. I could have written an amazing piece. There was such potential, and... and why? What went wrong? I don't even know.

And I know Arvie, that I shouldn't think too much on others' expectations. But I can't help it, at least for my Literature teacher. He's an amazing guy. I adore him, he has taught me so much, and, and he even got so far as for me to actually appreciate Shakespeare (I don't like Shakespeare usually, I don't think it's fair he gets to make up words and be called a genius, whereas I just get marked down). I wanted to get an amazing mark just to make him proud, and, well, it's kinda the best show of appreciation, right? Getting an amazing score for your teacher? But mine's going to be average.

I know, it sounds kinda snotty, bratty, I donno. But Literature just means so much to me, it was my 'thing', and now I'm just going to be shoved into the middle lot.

Well, still, though I can't say it was my best, at least I can still rely on God. Insha'allah, maybe it's not as bad as it seems.

Okay, I needed to get that off my chest. But nowww....

... well, I did experience some wahnsinn. Me after the second maths exam?

 And I mean literally. Star and I staggered home like we were drunk, just literally laughing hysterically while we played this loudly. Everytime we twisted a lyric to suit our relationship with maths, we cracked up again. Then there were these moments where we'd just be quiet, but there were these smiles plastered across our faces... gosh, people on the main road must have thought we looked nuts.

I mean, that exam wasn't any better, but I expected that, and I never intended to ace it. That being said, everyone found it difficult, so I'll probably average it out x) Either way, it don't matter, 'cause

I'M NEVER. EVER. EVER. DOING MATHS AGAIN!

Okay, it doesn't have the same ring to it. Shut up.

And, also, ladies and genetlemen, you're officially reading a post by my school's vice captain for Arts for next year!

CHYEAHH.

I didn't expect it. I had another interview - you know the story with interviews and I. This one wasn't bad, but you know, I didn't think I stood out enough. Either way, it was a pleasant surprise, I get to be L's second-in-command, and she says we're going to lead La Resistance (put on your best Frenchy accent, guys), and although I don't know what that entails, it sounds exciting x) Also, the theme for next year's art's fest is:

PHANTASMAGORIA.

Tres epique, much? You gotta love L. She has ideas, I have ideas, and we're going to rock it. Mind you, there are two guys, but, I think they're more into the performing arts part of it, which is fine by me. They can have their performances, and we'll keep our paint brushes, thank you very much.

And now the month is brightening up... I'm going to dive into NaNo, and there's... certain other stuff that will insha'allah happen, but I don't want to say so in case of jinxing them. But never fear, you shalt hear all about it should it eventuate :)

ATM:
Writing: NANO. FINALLY.
Reading: Okay, I have two to read right now, this instant. I'm not sure which one, yet.
Listening to: Roll With the Punches. Lenka. She understands.
Feeling: Better. What's done is done, I suppose.

It's unexpected, it usually is

When you're rejected, or you take a hit

Suddenly everything's thrown in a spin

No time to grow a thicker skin

What kind of situation am I in now?

When life tries to knock all the wind out of you

You've got to roll, roll, roll, with the punches

If all life offers is black and blue

You've got to roll, roll, roll, with the punches

♥

Peace in, 
Laila