You raise me up

I've fallen in love with writing and reading again.

Maybe it sounds weird, but the truth is, I was losing... it. That obsession with writing and reading. School, you see, takes the fun out of things. I had this habit of saying 'I'll start this book after this SAC', and then, 'okay, this SAC is too important', or 'the SAC in four months is huge, don't want to dive into a new book or story now', and it went on and on until I realised it would never end. Not for these two years, anyway. And if I didn't pick up my reading habits, I'd be one of the statistical university students who never picked up a book for leisure ever again.

*shudders* So help me God, I never want to be them.

But now I'm thinking this obsession is dangerous? I have a million story ideas milling about in my head, I get so distracted and my fingers itch to start typing, or planning in my... planning book. Or I'd want to go to bed early, to figure out the fine details of a plot, or imagine a new one, or .. just read! Arianna's write-off got me going, and I can't stop.

When I say read, I mean crazy blog stalking, and books. The thing with books went kind of on a hold again, though -_-' It's because of Literature. I have to read the book I mentioned - Collected Stories by Peter Carey, and the first story was okay, but then the content got... explicit.

Okay, I understand that at this age, we're 'mature' enough to handle... that kind of content (*cough* *cough* some of us, clearly not I) but I don't see why that means we must, if you get what I mean. It's like, okay, at this age, you can legally make the decision to drink - as in alcohol - but that doesn't mean you have to drink. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. 

So I don't get this set of stories. Most of them are so revolting! I... ADJFALKSFALJDSHFALKDF. I can't describe it - it's just too feral. Yeah. So I've slowed down on reading again, because I'm terrified of what the next story will contain.

The deb is next week! Okay, I know, I don't seem like a debutante kind of person, but Star is doing it. So many of my friends are, and I just want to see them, you know, wipe away tears as I watch my little girls grow up... okay, that's exaggerating. But I wanted to go because honestly, I've a little romance in me, and I think it would be cute to watch. Of course, the irony is that barely any of them know the history of it, and me, one who isn't even going as a guest, knows this. And I'm pretty sure not all of them can wear the white dress of 'purity'. Tsk tsk.

Why am I blogging? I don't even know why! I had a point, but I lost it. It flew out the window, with my sanity, when I started working on this Literature SAC. Shakespeare, folks, is clearly not my friend. OH. Question:

So I have a friend (actually, I have a few, surprise surprise ^^) who's in my Literature class. Okay, she's in many of my classes. We work together, no problem. We help each other out. If her class does the Methods SAC before mine, she'll give me details, and vice versa. We share answers for history. We read each others essays for English. And in Literature, we always discuss things to help figure out our respective essays. 

I'm okay with this, clearly it helps me too. But Literature is... difficult. How do I explain this? Well, I got perfect results for my first two essays, and still A+ standard on my third. But if you ask me how I did it, I'm going to have to say 'I don't know'. I have ideas, I write them down, I hope for the best. Our teacher - Mr H - is amazing, I adore him, but at the best of times, you need a dictionary to understand him. My friend and I generally understand him, and we make notes. He taught us in year 9, like the rest of our accelerated class, so we have an advantage, I suppose. But most of the work I do for him is just ... stuff. There's no formula to it, I just write and pray to get good results. Masha'allah, so far it works.

But I cannot advise people on Literature essays. I don't know why I do well. And so when this friend asks me to read hers before a SAC (she writes hers beforehand, memorises it and then writes it in the SAC), when I finish giving all the critique to the best of my abilities, I usually end with a 'yep, this is wonderful by my standards'. Why? Because I cannot judge by his standards. Mr H, he finds awesomeness in things I don't even think about, and things I find particularly fantastic has him, well, not noticing it.

But to my friend, when I say that, she goes: 'Well, why? How can I get a better result?'

And I say, honestly: 'I don't know, you'll have to ask him. To me this is an A+, but I don't know how his mind works, so ... yeah.'

And she gets a little frustrated. But when I get a better result (remember, I don't know why), she radiates this anger. It's passive-aggressive, because she won't confront me, but she has this way of making me feel guilty. When the next SAC comes around, she'll be like: 'Okay, you have to help me get full marks!' And I'll say, 'yeah, I'll try', and.. once again, passive-agressive anger radiation.

But I can't just lie. I can't say, 'WOOOO THIS IS EPIC YOU'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO GET 100%', because I don't want to give people false hopes, and I don't want to jinx things. I don't want to say things certainly if they're not. But I can't get out of this! She makes me feel bad for getting a better result (mind you, she gets stupendous results too, just one or two marks off), like I'm hiding some secret information that's preventing her from having the same. 

And I can't be nervous! I'm always nervous before SACs, but for Literature, if I look jittery, they just roll their eyes at me and say, 'you have no right to be nervous. You got perfect marks.' So what, now I don't have the right to be - uh, human?

But I sincerely don't  know how! And why can't I enjoy my marks without feeling guilty?? Why won't they - well, particularly she - understand that when I help her, I'm doing the best I can?? This is difficult. So I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to deal with this? Find a win-win solution? Maybe I should just go see a psychiatrist.

So who's been watching l'Olympics? I love the Olympics. I have many childhood memories of our family, and some others, staying up late to watch the Opening/Closing ceremonies, eating pizza and drinking fizzy drinks. And the races - always my favourite - would always get us hyperactive. Usain Bolt!! ♥ Awesome guy. And there was a hijabi from Palestine too! Her attire wasn't completely perfect, but baby steps, right?

I feel so sorry for the Aussie athletes though. Okay, I'm mean because I always go for other countries - I just like going for the African and South American countries. I just like their bubbly attitudes. But I have some serious sympathy for our athletes. I know that universally, all athletes probably have serious pressure on them, but ours... are getting a lot of crepes.

There's their personal ambition, and yes, I can understand that. Some swimmers, some bikers, I donno - they got second, third, and they were unhappy. Devastated. Teary. And although some people say 'GET OVER IT, YOU GOT SOMETHING. BE HAPPY,' I still kinda understand what it must feel like, after four years of training, aiming for gold.

The thing that worries me though, is the country support. Okay, for some reason, my homepage is the UK ninemsn. And every time I open it up, there's always some joyful report on Team GB. No matter what position they get, the internet, at least, sounds ecstatic for them. The pride they have, just for having an athlete in an event, is just sweet.

Australia should be the same. They are, until, as I've found recently, the results are less than gold. It's so... shockingly disappointing. So I'm not sure who this athlete was, but he/she lost by 0.01 of a second or something, and still got silver. But the first question they were asked by some Aussie interviewer was: 'So what went wrong?'

Where's the 'WOAH, congratulations darling!' Where's the 'You've done us proud, no matter what?' No, of course not, we want to know what's wrong because you got silver out of who-knows-how-many nations.

I do not understand. That's not the only case - there have been headlines with 'Aussie athletes underperforming', etc, but it annoys me to go into it. We're supposed to be a united front, cheering for our country regardless of the results. Instead we whinge because they didn't get the top one. Bleh.

My heart's with them for that :/

Side note: for my cousin. I still don't know what happened, I sent her an email though. The only update is that her wedding has been postponed two months. That's good, right? Ish? Because whatever it is, it's not permanent? That's how I'm viewing it.

Cheers.

ATM:

Writing: Dream story. The collab with Star and I - it's more planning though. There's a long way to go to get to the actual writing ^^

Reading: Collected Stories. Peter Carey. Not. Recommended.

Listening to: You Raise Me Up. Westlife, I think - I love this song O.O I've been listening to countless covers, and I shalt post my favourite (other than Westlife's) down below. 'Celtic Women'. They sound like princesses, they look like princesses. They have that genuinely high, feminine, pretty voice - it's... almost angelic.

Feeling: Tired... tis getting late.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders

You raise me up, to more than I can be

Peace in,

Laila