The Dream Diaries

I have began (begun?) to dream again!

Let me explain myself. Everyone dreams, right? But some people don't remember their dreams, oui? Well, I was one of those. I haven't been able to for the last who-knows-how-many-years, and it distressed me, because Star can remember hers. I don't mean just remembering you had a dream - but actually remembering details. 

This hasn't been always, though. I remember a 'nightmare' I had when I was little. It was a 'nightmare' because it scared me, but it wasn't the kind that I'd wake up crying or anything. Basically, this nightmare took place around my house. My older sister, mother and I were inside, and outside, soldiers were patrolling. They were everywhere, and I remember it was like a game. The game was you had to stay away from the windows - under them, or to the side, or in a room without windows altogether, because if the soliders saw you, they'd shoot. It was scary, but nobody ever got shot. This 'game' just went on throughout the night, and I'd wake up and all would be well. Yeah, I don't know how to explain that.

The last nightmare I remember wasn't so much the nightmare itself, but my waking up after. It's the only time that's ever happened to me. It was in Sri Lanka, not the last time I went, but the time before that - I must've been... 12. Yeah. I had just watched like one or two or three 'Resident Evil' movies with my cousins, and the funny thing was, I hadn't the slightest idea what was actually happening because the movies had been translated. But I had the visuals, clearly, and I knew it was about dead people walking. And that night, I randomly woke up in cold sweat, and before my eyes a dead-person-walking was standing in the doorway, near the foot of my bed, and the only thing keeping it back was the mosquito-net around the bed. Then I blinked, it was gone, and that was the end of that.

Since then, sleeping has been oblivion. I like it, sometimes, but other times I want an adventure. Star has these awesome crazy dreams. I can't explain them because they're so illogically funtastic that it's impossible for me to describe personally. But right now, the point is, I'VE REMEMBERED SOME DREAMS.

Yes. Me.

I have a dream and a nightmare to share.

So the dream - some two nights ago - I'll admit I can't remember exactly how it started. But it came to a point where I was at school, after-school I think, and it was grey, it was raining, and the carpark was emptying. Star was with me, but she was acting a little crazy (for one with crazy dreams, Star is not actually that crazy - and I mean this in a hyperactive crazy way.) Anyway, she wanted me to go with her and her bro, but then, lo and behold, her cousin shows up! In this snazzy black car. Mind you, I've never met her cousin, just heard a lot about her. So there she was, and I couldn't see her face properly, but she had black curly-ish hair, and I just knew it was her. She offered me a ride, and being the daredevil that I am, I jumped in. 

It's funny, because as I was sharing this dream with Star, before I even proceeded from this point, she was laughing, saying that if Aleks (her cousin) were to drive, it would be like a maniac. Whaddaya know? In my dream she was driving like a maniac. I was totally chill with this. She sped like crazy, and some of the turns were really sharp and for some reason she ended up flying. Flying cars!! How epic, right?? Maybe I'm over-excited because I haven't had one of these experiences in ages.

Anyway, so Aleks, she drops me off at my family friend's house, for some inexplicable reason. Except the house is actually my aunty's house in Lanka, occupied by these family friends. Okay, so my sister was there, and we were just hanging about, and the girls' brother rocks up. I don't know if I've told you about him before, but he's the 'mystery guy'. Despite practically growing up with these girls, we've almost never spoken to this guy, and when we asked his sisters about him - his very own sisters, blood-related and all - they admit they don't know much about him at all. It was all very fascinating, but in my dream, he was talking to me! And he was asking me polite questions and stuff, like have I been to their house before, do I like the renovations (they renovated their house to my aunty's village house???!) and then my alarm went off and I woke up.

Is this boring you? I'm sorry. If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now: this blog is like my journal. Or diary.  I like to write about significant things here, and it excites me when my diary (you all) responds, but if it doesn't, never mind, I'm good.

SO. My nightmare. This one is pretty straightforward, and downright chilling. I was sitting for my Literature exam. It was horrible! So indescribably difficult! I was writing an essay on Macbeth (but I studied that in yr 9? This year's Shakespeare was Hamlet, and I'm not even going to write on it anyway?) and I was bawling my head off. I started off writing a story, and it turned into an essay half-way through. My maths teacher was te one supervising the exam, and it seemed to be taking place in a hut or ... portable classroom. It was frightening. I hope this isn't a sign for the end of the year, or I shalt be devastated.

But with great something comes something. I think the quote was 'with great power comes great responsibility', but that has nothing to do with what I was going to say.. hm. Okay, but what I was going to say is, with this new 'remembering my dreams' thing, I seem to have developed... a sleep-talking habit o.O

Funnily enough, this too used to happen when I was a kid. I remember this one time - though I don't remember myself doing this, but I remember my father reiterating for me straight after. Basically, he woke up early once, and walking past our room - my older sister and I used to share - he called out, just to see if we were awake, and apparently I responded, from under the sheets. He asked me if I wanted breakfast or something, and apparently I agreed to bread and butter and sugar. I have no memory of talking in my sleep, at that time itself, and so we deduced I had been sleep talking.
 

And recently, I think two days ago as well, my sister, who stays up sometimes in the rumpus room (next to my bedroom), said she heard me talkinging nonsensically when I was asleep. I know for a fact my little sister, who I share a room with, talks in her sleep, but my older sister distinctly heard me.

So with great dream remembering skills comes weird and humiliating sleep talking habits.

I'm in a fabulous-ish mood. Maths is still my sore point, admittedly. I'm behind, though not as much as others (everyone's behind, but now it's a matter of how behind are you?), and I can't say anymore if it's my own mental block or actual lack of understanding that's making this difficult for me. And it this textbook is so irritating because it doesn't tell you what you're supposed to do by hand, and what you're supposed to do with calculator! And the examples they provide are so conveniently on the easiest of questions, where the actual questions are ten times more difficult! I'm loving the logic guys. Keep it up. I'm learning a lot.

But worst of all, my tutor has left me. He went to America for a business/holiday thing, and he returns next week. Not so bad, right? Yeah, well, about three days ago, his mother died. Of cancer. 

I don't know how to handle death. I'm not quite sure what to say. I've never met his mother, though I saw her once and she was in the prime of her... illness. She looked awfully weak, and I was scared to look any more. But though I didn't know her, from the way her son behaves, I think she was a good person. My tutor - Mish - is awesome. He's just a lovely spark of inspiration, logic and hyperactivity. He's strange and kind and sympathetic and smart and... how about I give you an example of why, rather than just loading the praise on?

Okay, so before he went on his holiday, he happened to be in Star's neighbourhood (oh, side note: he's her family friend). Anyway, so he was in the neighbourhood, he goes to her house and knocks on the door. Star's mum answers. 

He says: Hey, do you remember that snow trip we went on suchandsuch years ago? I was 7.

She says: Uh... no?

He says: Well, on that trip, I was really rude to you. I was disrespectful where you were only concerned. I want to say sorry for that, please forgive me.

[Twas something like this. I forgot the exact wording of the exchange.] 

He was 7 then, and he's twentysomething now.  Who does that? No one that I know of, especially on not being prompted. Heck, I would excuse myself on the basis of being young and stupid. But Mish, Mish is an awesome guy. And I think I have the right to say his mother can take credit for raising an awesome son. But now she's gone, and I don't know how he'll be. He's a bright spark, alright, but what now? I remember when Star first told me about him, before he was my tutor. She told me when this family friend of hers first got cancer, he made it his duty to know everything about cancer, more than the doctors even knew. At the time, he was studying some kind of engineering course in Uni, but after a while, he dropped it on the basis that, after this cancer thing, he didn't 'believe in it anymore'.

We don't know how to interpret that, but I'm so worried. I don't want him to lose his spark, I don't want to see him deflated, and I just don't know how to handle death. What are you supposed to say? How is he going to be? I don't like seeing men cry. Maybe I'm internally sexist or something, but for me, seeing a man cry is not just... heartbreaking, but scary too. And I don't know what to do.

And I really need him to tutor me, but I don't at the same time. He makes everything so simple, and he's so motivating, but if he's depressed, what am I to do? Gah, I'm selfish, I know. Hm.

I love how I started this episode saying 'I'm in a good mood', or something to that effect. I won a competition! I just had to answer the question of what I would do in the event of a zombie invasion, and my response was:

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? As I have absolutely no idea how you're supposed to defeat  the undead, I'd probably just paint myself green (are they green? If not, I'll just try on my sister's makeup, looking ghastly will come naturally), roll about in the mud, stop bathing, then stagger around groaning and salivating and ... doing whatever zombies do. Then, after everyone has been eaten, or whatever zombies do to people, the zombies will starve to death, or get bored and run off to a different planet, and voila, off goes the disguise and I'll be queen of the world myself... even if there's no actual kingdom...

I realise you can Google that, and it'll lead you to the website where I entered and all, but a) it doesn't say my name or username, and b) please don't. I like this blog because, besides Linch, no one knows me 'in real life', and yet here is where I'm really me. Like, the 'real me'. And I would hate to have to start censoring my thoughts from my 'diary'... though admittedly, I've done that before, because I like to lie to myself on occasion.

So, the point is, for that competition, I got two books! One is Peeps, by Scott Westerfeld (who I love, so I hope I love this book), and the other is Disharmony, by some chick called Leah Giarratano (and the blurb starts with 'a psychopath', so I hope to like this too). I'm so happy. Two more books! I haven't received/bought any solid books since... since... since last year? Since the beginning of the Mysis Family Financial Crisis. So this is great. This is fabulous. I'm resisting the urge to run around in circles.

(I notice you guys like les pictures on the sides? I'd like to say thank you, but I didn't make any of them... so yeah ^^ But have you noticed I'm colour-ist? Only pictures with blue - or green, black or white - can go there. I just can't change that... o.o It's beyond my control now.) 
(And thank you for the many compliments on the cakes ^^ I think the only reason I don't think they're as awesome as they seem to be is because I keep comparing them to the pro. Comparing sucks. Don't do it. Slap people who do. Like me.)

ATM:

Reading: The Fault in Our Stars. John Green. Recommended by so many of you, and I was thrilled to see it on my school library shelf. I'm only about three chapters in, and I love this guy's voice. So far, so good :)

Writing: Imagination Tyrant. Tis what I'm calling it, for a school competition. Sadly, it was inspired by that awful Mr Carey, but... whatever. Hmph. It won't be nearly as disgustingly disturbing, thank you very much.

Listening to: Prends garde à ta langue. Zaz. Means 'Watch your tongue', and it's soo snazzy.

Feeling: Like running around in circles. Yes. I'm doing that in my head, multiple times.

A translation:

Ouch, ouch, how gullible you can be
To these dishonest people who promise you the moon
Giving up your power to them so they manipulate you
With your precious freedom and even your dough sometimes

How crazy - you think you're safe
You mess everybody about and look down on them
Way too clever to be caught in that trap
You lie to yourself and the following happens

Won over by the gold out of his mouth
You deliciously drink ladlefuls of his words
Can't you see that crazy man's squint as he spatters on you
With his leering look and says his rubbish?

http://lyricstranslate.com

http://lyricstranslate.com

Peace in, 

Laila