Once upon a time, a year or so ago, my sister decided to organise indoor soccer - or, well, futsal - for girls. The focus was mainly for hijabis. It can be annoying playing sport in a headscarf. Besides it flapping around (depending on your style), it can get pretty darn sweaty and disgusting. I mean, even without the hijab you can get sweaty and disgusting. But it's worse with the headgear.
So she put her feelers out made some calls, and the lovely people at Monash were nice enough to accommodate our needs. My sister set up a facebook group, and basically, the idea is that every time enough girls were available at the same time, my sister would call and book. The people at Monash would block out the camera feed so no one could see us uncover, they gave a sign to put on the door so no one would come in, and they allowed us to cover up the glass doors with black garbage bags.
These are just details. At first we had difficulty getting games together. The thing about facebook is that people find it really easy to like and agree to things, because it's just the click of a button or two. But then they don't show up. And we don't have the numbers, but we'd have to pay up, where the cost is supposed to be divided. Then many people realised it wasn't nice to do that, and we just didn't have enough numbers.
Hence, our games, at the start, were a bit sporadic. But over time, particularly at the start of this year, we had an established set of 'regulars'. We played consistently, on a weekly basis, sometimes more. Our games went from "Look! There's the ball! Go get it! Try kick it!" to a little more coordination, a little more structure, a little more control and teamwork.
So one of of the girls at the start had this bright idea that we should make a team and join a league. She, herself, had played mixed with her hubby, so we kinda assumed that if she thought we were good enough, we must have been.
I remember our first game. In fact, the first couple of games went the same for me. On the drive there, we'd play pumping up music. I'd fight down the kind of jitters I get before exams, this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. Controlled breathing on the verge of hyperventilation. Pep talks to myself, under my breath. Kinda of smiling like crazy, terrified.
Then we'd see the team we were up against. They'd look ... Well, effortless. Graceful. Synchronised.
And boy did that pit in my stomach sink a little bit more.
Nevertheless, we'd go in, gritting our teeth, giving each other supportive looks, nervous motivational speeches. And. We'd be slaughtered.
As I mentioned in that last post, the fact of the matter is, these are professional teams. These girls play outdoor usually, and these futsal tournaments are like kick-back scrimmages for them. Not to mention that their games are naturally tougher than ours. When we bump into each other, in our casual games, it's all giggle giggle, sorry hun, are you okay? There are no apologies here. No one holds back. It's crazy.
And yet, I have a point to make, and I'm making this point now because one of the girls almost had a breakdown/meltdown yesterday when we lost once again last night.
She was frustrated because there are so many ways for us to improve so that even if we don't win, at least we won't lose so terribly. Like one of the girls would be better at defense because she's too soft for striking, but she won't take the hint. Or someone else isn't there when a goal is being set up oh so perfectly. Or the fact that we've tried to arrange regular training sessions, but it just doesn't work. We can never get the whole team, because everyone is at different universities, doing different courses, different jobs, different family commitments - heck, we even live far apart. But sometimes the girls miss out for dumb reasons, like "Oh, I slept in, soz guys".
Yeah, it's annoying. And it's breaking her heart because she genuinely loves the game, and we could be better, but we're not. I know this, because it was so disheartening for me, at the start.
But.
It seems to have worked out backwards for me. See, I no longer have pre-game jitters before a game. I no longer feel depressed after a loss. Every week, I'm pumped. Every week, I'm like haha, what a surprise. We lost again. Star sends me a message after every game. And every time, my response is: Kid, you will know if we won. Believe me. I will write it in the sky.
And this is what I've learnt. In the context of a soccer game, this is the worst that can happen. That we lose. That we lose game after game. And so what. Big deal. Is that all there is? I can take it.
What I'm trying to say is, if this is the worst that can happen, then it can only get better.
We are getting better.
Let me illustrate. After the first one, two, three losses, I made this little goal in my head. I thought to myself: please, even if we don't win a single game, let us at least score once before the season is over. Then I'll be happy.
Well, guess what. We did. Guess who scored the first goal? Me. I've scored four, all up. More than I ever anticipated, more than I could ever hope for. And it happened. And I'm not the only one who's scored, mind you.
And I love these girls. Many of them I wouldn't have made friends but for this soccer thing, and I am so glad. We're all so different, but we fit so well, and we have spunk. Once again, even though we're losing, it's all right 'cause we're going down together.
And I'm going to gush a bit more. More than those goals, I feel like I've improved a lot more in ball control. I don't freak out and just kick it as soon as a girl from the other team looks at me. I can take it up a bit more. I can set up goals. I make little rules for myself. The first rule was don't just kick it away when you get it. And now I don't. My next is don't be afraid to shoot. Don't hesitate. Just do it. Shoot as many times as you can.
What have you got to lose? I think.
At this point: nothing.
Peace in,
Laila
