The Good News

Ohkay, I was supposed to do this yesterday, but I was unexpectedly detained at my aunty's house after tuition....and I came home at 9pm, and after a day of helping them move into their new house, I was sort of exhausted. But today, people. Today. 

Today I tell you about the FORMAL!!!

Firstly, I'll confess that there won't be many photos. I realised it kind of reminds me of my time in Sri Lanka, like, those memories are so precious I can't bring myself to share them. Only, I'm still going to write about it. And I mean, it just feels weird. I haven't shown photos of moi before, and I just can't bring myself to do it now. Also, I don't think photos captured the 'spirit' of the night, and... I have an embarrassing confession. Well, it's more of an embarrassing realisation, because I didn't actually know I was doing it.

Well, basically... I pout.

Okay, not like this. A little more subtle.

='_'= I didn't/don't mean it! I realised this retrospectively. For the whole night, I actually thought I'd mastered some semblance of a normal smile, but only recently, going through all the photos, I realised it was not a normal smile at all. It was a POUT. EW. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A TEENAGER. But in my defense, I think it's kind of... genetic. 'Cause as I was looking at the photos, I realised this sort've-smile looked kind of familiar... and when I checked some photos of Sri Lanka.... turns out I have a second cousin who does the same thing. So there.

Okay, this post is not about pouts and photos, it's about THE FORMAL.

So for those who don't know, I guess the way to explain what the formal is is to say it's... basically like the Australian version of the prom/grad? It's a dance, on your final year of high school, with the girls in pretty dresses and the guys in their tuxes, and there's a limo (or in our case, a party bus), fancy food, photoshoots and funny awards (like 'Most Likely To End Up In Prison'). It's sort of a celebration of the final year, a glamorous night to dress up and be merry.

And mine just went perfectly. Really. If I was talking about it, like actually talking, I'd be gushing. I don't think I ever gush. And I'd probably be starry eyed, and maybe even a little giggly.

... okay, not giggly. Don't think I can do giggly.

So it was last Friday, and we 'unofficially' got the day off. I mean, they say it's still a school day, but it's more of a joke because clearly it's going to take a whole day for a girl to get ready, and clearly no guys are going to be coming if the other half of the year level isn't. I didn't understand why it took a whole day to get ready, until I heard the appointments everyone had, from 9 in the morning... hair, nails, tans, eyebrows, makeup... blah blah blah. I can tell you now I was spared most of that, thank God.

(Fun note: my friend Jasmine actually asked me how I was doing my hair... I was like, well. Well. I think I'm going to get streaks in, I'll probably straighten it, but maybe I'll curl it instead, and then I'll pull it in some fancy bun... and then I'll undo that all and put on my headscarf.)

So I spent the day cleaning the house, and around 2pm, Creepy Z came along. Makeup lady.

I hate makeup, I really do. My sister had specified that there was no way I was getting out of it, and my mother was backing her, and I kind of knew there was no way I could get out of it, so I resigned myself to letting her paint my face. I'll admit though, that a) it kinda feels nice when makeup is getting put on you... all tickly and stuff. When it's actually on, not so much. And b), Creepy Z is amazing, and although I didn't dare look in the mirror the whole time, I trusted she would do a wonderful job, and from what others said, it was.

(Fun note: did I mention all the appointments? Yes, every girl had a makeup appointment with some specialist or expert or whatnot. Mine was done by a girl one year level below me... no one noticed the difference. Hahaha.)

So anyhow, because my face has almost never been touched by makeup, Creepy Z had to experiment a few times, and during that time, 'Furby' came along. The 'hijab stylist', or my sister's friend. She I love the most, because she totally had my back with the simplicity thing. You see, my dress was this.... 

It was unbelievably hard getting a picture of the whole thing; it's so long...

Behold, my very first 'selfie'. Now, see how long it is?

And my sister wanted gold, gold, gold. I may not be a fashionista, but I really couldn't see how gold worked. So anyway, my sister was shoving a gold bracelet over to start with, and then Furby was like: 'Oh, come on, her dress is all like Game of Thrones, and this bracelet is all Kuch Kuch Hota Hai... no. Just no.'

(Btw, I actually love KKHH... just saying :P )

So anyway, I was spared the gold - I had to wear some rings (that were thin, and they got put together to be look like one) and that was okay, and I wore a black bracelet too, which was also okay... and that was it. The hijab that Furby did was ahmazing, but um, I absolutely cannot find a picture of it - as in, on anyone else. I'm not really familiar with 'hijab styles' anyway, I kinda just usually wear mine the one way, so yeah... but it was pretty, like, black, but then she tied this similar dark reddish one around and made a flower out of it and and and, you guys...

I FELT LIKE A PRINCESS.

There, I said it ='_'=

But I can't help it. For once, just for once, I felt pretty perfect. Not exceptional... just, you know, nice.. so in my element...

... until I wore those heels. See, people, there's a reason why they tell you to practise wearing heels weeks earlier. Wearing them for the first time five minutes before you leave is a dreadful ordeal. DUDE, THEY WERE SO HIGH, I COULDN'T SEE THE GROUND. Okay, I'm kidding, but they were just awful, I was swaying and stumbling, and I still do not get the point of heels. Unfortunately, I had no time to get out of it, because I had to go pick up Star...

... and she looked like a modern day Cinderella. She was sort of offended, but really. Her dress was the same blue as Cindy, and her hair was pinned up (but not defying gravity, just... pinned up) and she had this shawl around her and she looked so lady like and everything!

Anyway, we headed to the Captain's house, where our group was meeting up, and I was just awestruck by how lovely everybody looked. I mean, I'd seen photos from the deb last year, and when the girls put on makeup... they looked awful. But this year, they all had it right - not too caked, and you could still recognise them. And the boys, the boys - a group of them had arranged their ties to be colour-coordinated, so that they made a rainbow, and it was so cute ♥

Then came that terrifying walk to the party bus, and I had to hitch up my dress and hang onto anything I could find for dear life, and I made it. I can't say I liked the bus bit much. In my head, no matter how many times everyone stressed it was a party bus, I could only picture it like a normal bus. But a party bus means the seats are along the sides, facing each other, and it's sort of squashy, and I felt uncomfortable with the boys, but what to do? There was a little TV playing all these old songs that I listened to as a child, but in that oblivion when all those dirty words never meant anything... and at that moment they did, unfortunately, and I was sort of mortified. Also, there were no windows. What is that?! Way to induce claustrophobia.

But we got there in one piece (the Cookie Monster from one of my old posts got sick, poor guy :P ), and people were milling at the elevators, waiting to go up, and there was lots of gushing. Then we got up there, and we had to go through security. Um, yeah, last year's group were apparently very Bad. 

Oh, SUPER PROUD MOMENT: Our year level is the only one in years who didn't have a single drunk. Yes! No one. See, every year, some idiot thinks it's funny to ge stoned and show up. They get sent home. I don't get the point of it; I mean, a) you miss out on the party, b) you're not even going to remember it. What a waste. But we didn't have a single one of those x)

So we get there, and it wasn't opened yet, so everyone was cramped into this foyer, and some people were getting their professional shots done, but the line was really long, plus we didn't want everyone watching, so our gang decided to save those photos for later. Then more of our friends caught sight of us, and there was a lot of screaming...

(Fun note: I'm pretty much the only one in high school who refuses to do 'casual dress days'. I'm just so lazy, and if it's for charity, I'd rather just give the money then get that kind of thing in return. So when people see me in 'normal' clothes, i.e. not school uniform, I tend to send them into shock. Sometimes there are spasms involved. I'm pretty sure people just assume I go home after school, plug myself in, shut down and recharge throughout the night for the next day...hm.)

And everyone was just like ZOMGSQUEE, YOULOOKSOPRETTY, ILOVEYOURDRESS, ILOVEYOURHAIR, ILOVEYOURMAKEUP, ILOVEYOURSHOESEVENTHOUGHICAN'TSEETHEMUNDERYOURDRESS, SQUEE, SQUEE, SQUEE, SELFIEEEE!

Yes, we were like this for pretty much the whole night.

I think that was the best part of the whole night: that atmosphere. I really think every girl felt like a princess (they all looked like it, that's for sure), and everyone was just so happy and fluffy and totally on Cloud 9...Compliments were flying, everyone wanted to talk to everyone, everyone was hugging, everyone was gushing, and it was just awkward pouts smiles all round.

So we get past that stage, into the actual venue, and the photographer wanted to take a group photo with everyone... which was near impossible, but we managed with people sitting, squatting, half squatting, three-quarter squatting, standing, and standing taller... you get the picture. Then we dispersed, to our seats.

We got our entrée - this cheesy pasta thing. Obviously it had some fancy name that I don't know about, but it tasted delish. The captains got up to do the awards, but there was this moment they called the Captain and I up, to thank us for helping (we made the sashes and the placecards), and at that moment, I had kicked off the killer heels under my table, so I had to scramble to get them on, and then stumble across the dance floor to the stage with everyone watching. Yeah. Mortifying. But I got a box of chocolates for my efforts.

The awards were announced, and then we went back to our seats. The DJ started playing some music, and this girl took a teacher to the dance floor and a few people joined, and it slowly turned to 'mingle time'...

Lotsandlotsofmingling.

Then it was dinner, and there was a choice of fancy chicken or lamb with fancy vegetables. Delish.

Then the party really started, and everyone was getting on the dancefloor. I am not a dancing person, certainly not in public...

(Fun note: the last time I was at a party that involved dancing, I spent the night hiding under a table, and a chair...)

... but I learnt the key was to remember everyone looks just as stupid as you, and as long as you don't think about it, you'll be okay. Oh, and it helps to have enthusiastic friends. Us girls made a group and I was bopping along while they pulled off these stupid moves, and we admired my friend Chamsi (who we'd forced this guy to bring along) who knew the words to every single song, like, every single song. From this century and the last. And every now and then, I'd shout above the hubbub to ask her what she'd just said to some song, and she'd pat me on the head and be like: 'Don't you worry.'

Lotsmoremingling. 

Our legal teacher had told us, the day before, that the key to a 'good formal' is when everyone is enthusiastic and chatty, and not taking photos the entire time. You have to mingle. So we mingled. Then they did the award 'Beauty and the Beast', which was decided by the teachers - oh, I forgot to mention, the theme was Hollywood. Nobody really takes it too seriously, but it manifests itself subtly in different ways, like the funny awards. So 'Beauty and the Beast' was a replacement for the King and Queen, and CAPTAIN GOT BEAUTY! I'm so proud of her, but also, duh. She deserved it; she looked so classy ^_^ And the guy who got Beast - no one saw that coming, but when he got it everyone thought duh as well.

Anyway, we got around to taking our professional shots. I really didn't want single ones, but the photographer lady was so forecfully enthusiastic, so I had to, and then Toothpick was standing behind her making faces, and the poor lady couldn't understand why I was glaring at her... and then I really did intentionally glare at her 'cause she wanted me to smile with my teeth and I absolutely cannot do that. So there was that. Then we had our girl group photo, and then we had our little 'original accelerated class' photo - like, people from my year 9 class. We managed to get some of the others, who had moved schools, to come along as well, and it was just so cute to be together again :)

And the whole night just flew by, it did. Little snippets are just stuck in my head. Like when the boys who were dancing in the middle of the dance floor picked up Raman and made him crowd surf - over such a small group,  you can't really, but it was cute. They did it to some other guy too. Oh, my super amazing English teacher, who had sworn he wouldn't hit the floor - well, he showed off some his moves later in the night too. All of us girls trying to take one group photo. Oh, this guy who'd worn a top hat and monocle. Dessert: crepes with raspberry syrup and ice cream. Teetering but never falling over in those heels. Toothpick attempting to insult me by saying that I completely ruined the ladylike effect by holding onto the wall when walking, but me grinning because that meant he thought I looked ladylike to start with.

Seriously, one of the best nights of my life. I had no inhibitions, I felt great, and you could just tell everyone else did too, and it really feels like a fairytale. I'm so going to miss everyone *sniff*

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home...♥

Peace in, 

Laila

The Bad News

You guys. You guys. *giggles like a little girl*

Actually, no. See, I have good news and bad news, but to combine everything in one post would probably make it so long that you'd fall asleep before you reached the end. So I'm going to do the bad news, because I don't like ending on a bad note... it's like going from Legal to History, for me. Also, if I delay the good news for a few days, I may have pictures to share. Maybe. *giggles again*

Okay, bad news. It's not really news, it's just...all my good spirits from yesterday were just crushed. Not completely, because everytime I think about yesterday I start getting floaty and airy fairy, but then I think of today and I just.... deflate. I should stop talking about the good news.

Um, my sister and I had a fight. This is not unusual, we always fight, but I feel like this one takes the cake because it's SO COMPLETELY UNFAIR. But I'm going to let you guys be the judge. Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

My sister does online tutoring. I think it's on every Sunday that she basically books sessions for the week, each one being 30min. I personally believes she takes on too many, or maybe I just don't like this idea of working for so long in front of a screen, but she loves her money. Whatever. 

Sometimes, she needs me to cover for her, because on top of the online tutoring, she does do face-to-face tutoring, and she also has uni and stuff. I really hate it; it just feels so impersonal with all these rules and regulations to deal with, and you know, I like to try get people to think more deeper or aim higher, whereas my sister keeps insisting that you just answer what you have to, and that's it. Also, I'm technically still in high school, so I feel like a cheat when someone logs in that's my age... like I don't really have the expertise to help them when I'm still on their level. And of course, there are times when people come on, sometimes uni students, and I have no idea what to do, and I really freak out. It's just so... stressful.

But anyhow, when my sister asks me to do it, for all my whining and whinging, I always do it. Whether or not she decides to compensate me for my time in, I do it because... well, let me be honest here: I fear her wrath. When she's mad, she's like a raging bull with anger-management issues that woke up on the wrong side of the paddock and then someone decided to poke him in the butt. Yep. And, also, I know it's important to her, and the management can get tetchy if you're late or you miss a session... so yeah. I do it. Always. Got that?

So on Sunday, my sister walked into my room and told me that at 4 o'clock, she needed me to cover for her because she was going to be out - well, she'd be on her way home, but she wasn't sure she'd make it on time. So basically, I'd have to cover for her for the first 10 or 15min.

Now, for some inexplicable reason, I thought she was talking about tomorrow - i.e. Monday. I really don't know why, but that was what was in my head. And on Monday, I had my own tutoring client from 4 to 5, and it's not the kind where I can multi-task - we're pretty much engaged the whole time. 

So I was like nononononononono, I can't.

And she was like pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

And I was like nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

And she was like pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseI'llpayyouplease.

And I was like Ihateyou.

And she was like pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

And I was like fine. I'll try. (Think it in a really brattish tone. That's how it was said.)

Right. So I made a mental note that at 4pm tomorrow, I'd have to log in to her tutoring thing.

Of course, we've established by now that she actually meant that very day, as in Sunday, but I didn't know that because my stupid brain said Monday. And that evening was rather lovely, so I went for a bike ride, and I came back at about 4:15pm and as soon as I walked into the kitchen, my cousin had an evil grin, and he made that BOOM gesture with his hands. My mother arched her eyebrows and shook her head. I thought, as usual, she'd had a fight with someone else in the family.

"What happened?" I whispered.

"What did you do?" my cousin whispered back.

I was so confused. Eventually, my mother explained about how apparently I'd agreed to tutor that day and blahblahblah. You know. So I went to my room, unbuckling the helmet, wondering what to do. I was going to go an apologise and explain right away, but I know my sister, and when she's mad, you don't reason with her.

When she's mad, she's vicious. She has hit me and violently shoved me about - and I'm not talking about when we were little, but I mean, in the recent years. I have many bad memories of her rage. I remember once - when I was about 11 - I had gotten this new paint set and spent the whole day working on this dophin picture. In a split second of anger - for what reason, I can't remember - she marched into my room when I'd left, ripped it up into shreds and threw it in the bin. Oh my God, it's depressing me even now o_o

Basically, she's the shoot-first-ask-questions-later kind of person. So I thought to myself, I'll give it a little time, let her cool down, see how she is when she comes out of the computer room.

Then my little sister, Number 3, came in, and being the little gossip she is, started filling me in on the tirade I missed. Apparently I was called a 'selfish... [insertwordthatstartwith'b'andrhymeswithwitch]'. Now, you guys should know I don't swear, and it's generally a no-no in our house. So her using that means she was really really mad.... so I thought, um, maybe give it a day.

I was also irked. Those charming words she used to describe me basically means she thought I had intentionally decided to put aside her request just 'because'... like I just wanted to provoke her for the fun of it. Clearly, as mentioned before, she's INSANE when she's mad, so why the heck would I do that? Seriously. In terms of the household hierarchy, I'm her doormat. I'm so passive it's not even funny. So okay, she's mad, but does she honestly think I'd have the brave to defy her just like that?

And, also, where's my motive? We've been on good terms for a while, why would I do that anyway? I'm not self-destructive, or a hell-raiser.

But I thought, hey, she's mad, she's probably not thinking logically. A day it is.

My dad did ask me, on the spot, if I had in fact promised to take on her shift and all, and I explained what happened, and then he, in turn, explained it to her... but all was quiet.

She didn't speak to me all week. 

Now, I got told off for not trying to make it up with her, my dad being all like 'why aren't you talking to your sister? Blahblahblahblah....'

And I have to say, I'm not not talking to her. I'm just waiting for her to talk to me. As soon as she does, that's it. I'm not holding any grudges, I understand the situation. The reason I'm not talking to her is because I don't understand the extent of her anger, and if she's really that mad, trying to talk to her will only result in my death, or something.

So then come yesterday. The Good News Day. Confronted with some external company, we exchanged words, if awkwardly, and I thought, this is good. We've made up. Things can go back to how it is.

Come today. We're still a bit awkward, but we're still exchanging words. It could only get better.

After I came back from tuition, Star invited me for a bike ride. That's when I noticed my helmet was missing.

Okay, it's not strictly mine, it's hers. But she said I could keep it in my room ages ago, because I ride my bike more often anyhow, and I always thought it was a joint thing. Thought.

I searched high and low, and I couldn't find it, even though it's not like some mystery where I keep it. It's always on the highest shelf on my desk. Then I thought, well, there's a chance my sister may have gone on a bike ride when I was at school or something, maybe she kept it in her room. So I went in there, and after a bit of poking about... I found it. It was in her closet, right there, tucked into one of her clothes' shelves. Then I got a little shifty feeling. Okay, she might have gone for some bike ride, but why would she take the effort to really tuck that helmet so deeply in there?

[I would also like to take a moment to stress that going through each other's rooms is not in itself out of bounds. We usually go by the sisterly laws of sharing all our clothes, so we go in out of each other's closets all the time without asking.]

And then I thought... well, maybe she's really still mad, and the awkwardness is just that she's trying to appease my father. So I thought I'd test this out. I got dressed to go, and then I went to her and asked her if she'd seen the helmet. She said no.

Well, there you have it.

In my head, I kind of exploded. I just couldn't believe after all this time, she was still mad at me for a basic misunderstanding. And now, on top of that, she was lying to me.... I mean, okay, that's not something new, people lie all the time. But this is me knowing she's lying. It made me sick.

I put on my headscarf, marched to her room, got the helmet out, marched back to her, and said: 'Funny how you don't know where it is, but it's right there in your room.'

(Now that I think about it, that was a dangerous move to make o.o )

'I don't think you should be using that,' my sister said, with this twisted smile on her face. I expected more anger, but she just had this kind of careless expression.

'We had an agreement,' I said, and I could feel myself starting to tear up. I had to meet Star in 5min, so I started stalking towards the door.

'Excuse me, that's my helmet that I bought,' she hissed, and followed me to the door. I whirled around to face her.

'Can I just ask you something?' I said, while she said 'Give me my helmet.' Knowing there was no point requesting permission, I ploughed ahead. 'Why are you mad at me?'

'Because you ditched my tutoring thing on Sunday,' she said (or something to that effect, can't remember the words).

'Didn't you hear dad?' I cried. 'It was a mistake. I thought you meant Monday. Why are you mad at me for a misunderstanding? I didn't MEAN IT!'

'And yet you sabotaged my tutoring,' she snapped. At this point, my mother was just telling me to ignore her and go, and my dad was telling her to calm down, and she just strode off, saying: 'Enjoy that bike ride, it's going to be your last.'

Okay, I went outside, I bawled for like two minutes, and forced myself to stop because I don't like crying around friends. And when I got to our meeting place, Star was late so I unburdened my woes on my favourite black horse. And the bike ride we went for was 14km, which is like a stroll to the mailbox and back for Star, but was just... like walking to the other side of Australia and back for me. My thighs are burning, but it feels so good in a way, and I guess all the endorphins that were released helped me to sit down and write this without bawling ^_^

Anyhow, how is that fair? SABOTAGE? REALLY? I DIDN'T MEAN IT. I HAVE NO REASON TO DO STUPID MEAN THINGS LIKE THAT. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. Isn't ONE ENTIRE WEEK a little too much anger for one tiny misunderstanding?? Am I in the wrong? You can be honest. 

Also, remember in some earlier posts I promised a good whinge? Well, this is it. Really, I could have started this from the beginning of this year, of all the ways she's been upsetting me, and just in that time frame this post could go on forever. It's just... everytime we go through some bad bit, I manage to get over it and think that it's not worth immortalising on the net. But then we hit another wall, and seriously, she's driving me to a breaking point. My sister seems to be the source of 90% of my woes. She's so mean and domineering and aggressive and scary and only for the sake of Allah do I love her, because everything else about her really makes me sick. Okay, she does have her good points, but it's the millions of bad points that ingrain themselves into my mind. 

I can't wish bad things on others, and I'm pretty sure it's wrong to anyhow, which is why I've taken to making a Very Good Wish for her, one that she wants very badly too: I really hope she gets married and just GOES AWAY.

A happier post ahead, insha'allah, guys (:

Peace in,
Laila