Secret Lives

Some time last term, Star turned to me during lunchtime and said, maybe with a little surprise: 'You have friends.'

This is very nice to know. It might seem like such a weird thing to say, because usually you don't really expect your friend to say something like that, but it has its importance. I remember mentioning, a post or two or three ago, that I don't have too many close friends because I keep people at bay.

But Star's comment came with the realisation that while not many people know about the workings of my head or my 'personal' life, people still talk to me. Or they have been this year, more than before. And when they make their confessions and unburden their woes, I realise that I seem to have uncovered a whole new underbelly in my high school. Sort of.

Now, with what I might tell you now, you might go 'awww', because it's a serious case of delusional naivety. You see, I know what teenagers theoretically get up to. The parties, the drinks, and what happens under the covers. But because I hadn't physically witnessed it before my eyes, never having been to one of these things, it never occurred to me that this actually happened with people in my school. Or maybe I knew, at the back of my mind, but never really comprehended it.

But last term, as I sat with one of the school captains who I'd newly made friends with, and some others asked her about something that happened at her birthday party...my God. It happens. It's all there. And although no one was talking to me, I was blushing mentally because for some reason it just felt so shocking and scandalous.

In a way, to me, it felt like a majority of the teenagers in our school led a secret night life. Of course it's a stupid notion, they're not exactly bashful about it, but just in my stupid head it felt like it.

Then it sort've runs deeper. As I mentioned, I had recently made friends with one of the school captains. Let's call her Helen. I think she's lovely, I do. I mean, she's been around since the beginning of high school, but I had never spoken to her because our social circles were so far apart... and they still are, for that matter. At least, I figured from what she told me.

See, one day she looked stressed, so I asked her how she was doing, and she sort of sighed and said it was all the 'drama'. My expression must have been sort of blank, because she kind of gaped at me, and said: "You mean... you don't know?"

Cue the embarrassed nod.

"Well, I don't want to tell you... because I don't want to backstab, nor do I want to weigh you down," she said. But she explained that because she's the social butterfly that she is, she has a wide range of friends who are forever having fights. They fight, they break up; they kiss, they make up. Every. Single. Day. Kind of like my friends and I in grade two.

And poor Helen gets caught up in this because they're always trying to make her take sides. Most of the time she gets away with playing Switzerland, but recently it's been one of her closest friends, and she mentions this girl... and I'm bamboozled. Because I've seen this girl, I've shared classes with her, I know her vaguely, and she's always so bright and bubbly and happygolucky, and I absolutely cannot fathom her being the sort of petty prima donna that engages in this sort of activity.

No judgement, but once again, it makes me feel like everyone is having this secret life that I'm unaware of.

Anyway, this post is not really about my oblivion. It's about how Helen tells me these intimate things without the detailed gossip (because that's only some of the stuff she's stressed about), things she can't say to her real friends, and I wonder why. I wonder if she realises how little she knows of me, too. And I wonder what else I'm missing from the facade of my seemingly carefree peers.

She's not the only one. I have another friend, this one is more long-term. Lettuce call her Preity. Last term, again, Preity was chatting with Star and I, and I have to let you know: she's what you call really bright and bubbly, happygolucky, hyperactive, made of love. We were talking about things, and one thing led to another, and eventually she told us her father was an alcoholic, he would get angry with her older brothers (who, you could say, are old enough to take care of themselves) he'd hit them, and her mother would faint during these episodes. He never hurt her, though. I don't know how commonly this occurs in her life, but...  yeah. And also, for all her high school life up til like, two weeks ago, her parents have never let her go out with friends. Ever. EVER. And - and this is a normal Asian thing, I suppose ^_^ - her parents have forced her to take all the scienceymaths subjects, which are just not meant for her. Her personality doesn't fit it, and I don't want to be mean, but I don't think she'll do that well. And she doesn't think so either, because they weren't subjects she wanted, nor is she good at them.

("And I thought your parents were strict," Star says to me. I have never thought of my parents as strict, but now I know that if I ever do... well. Well.)

And no one knew about this, at all. We were trying to pep talk her on how to deal with this, and we kept saying she shouldn't have to live like this, but - and this is why I say she's the real bright and bubbly, happygolucky, hyperactive, made of love of person - she was telling all this to us with this big beam on her face. And when we prodded her, she sort of just sighed carelessly and said: 'Well, yeah, I know, but I mean... they're my family. I know they're not perfect, but I still love them anyway.'

And in a weird sort of way, I understand her, and I couldn't push her any further because I felt like somehow, making her change that would ruin her happiness. She's the kind of person who would only be happy if she could make her parents happy. Nevertheless, I've told her that she can spill to me or call me whenever...

... but once again, how doesn't anyone know this stuff? I've known her for almost five years! FIVE! And I didn't know this!

Two of my friends' mothers have cancer. For one, she told me, but it's still a Big Secret, and for the other, my mother told me, and that friend doesn't know that I know.

And to think of the things that I don't tell my friends - it frightens me at all the possibilities of what everyone could be hiding. 

Recently, around the table in my kitchen, I've been hearing things. About the Swindler. About his house. About sending people to check for cameras. About going there at night. About getting the money back in not very nice ways.

And it terrifies me, because there's an underbelly going on in my very own home and I don't know what it is, but I can feel it's something big and it might explode and drag us all down.

Peace in,
Laila

Something In Between

I don't want my blog to die, but all I want to do is whine. I mean, I expect an explosion in the future - the very near future in fact - so you can all hear me whine then. But until then, to pass the time, I thought I'd post that speech I did last year, for the Youth of the Year thingamabob. Some stuff is censored, for Security Purposes *dun dun dunnnn*.

(Also note, the speech was cut down and edited a lot, partially to fit the timing, and partially to avoid 'religious dogma' *echhem* The guy behind it that it would be safer to tie the topic back to multiculturalism... so I did.) 

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is [Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Laila N Mysis], and I’m a student from [Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry some high school]. To be honest, I was a little freaked out when I found out I had to make a speech, and I had no idea what to say. After much pondering – and more freaking out – I realise I do have one interesting thing that has always given me pride to speak about, and that’s this thing on my head – this headscarf.

I started wearing it in grade four. Some adults get a bit starry eyed when they hear this, but the truth is, I made the move out of jealousy. My sister, in grade six at the time, was told by parents to put it on, and when she did, I was to endure much praise showered on her by my own teacher. In a time when it was cool to be the teacher’s pet, I thought that it was high time my sister get kicked out of the spotlight, so a few days after, I announced to my family that I too was going to wear the hijab, and that was that.

This may sound a little cute, but you can see that it has very little meaning. I had no idea why I was wearing it, I just knew it was something that we did, and it never really bothered me. I was asked a few times by others, and I said that we’re just supposed to hide our hair from boys, but you know, that’s not really an answer.

In year 7, my mother insisted I go to Islamic studies classes. I wasn’t really that interested, but I went along anyway, and I’m glad I did. My teacher gave me the best explanation, and that is what I’m about to share with you.

There was a time in Saudi Arabia where society was solely based on tribal law and male egotism. Women were objects, property much like camels, and survival was based on how much men you could attract, and how fertile you were. If you checked both those boxes, the tribal leader could tell all the tough blokes to sleep with you, because theoretically, that would mean you’d provide more tough guys for the tribe. The sons, therefore, wouldn’t be yours to raise, but the tribe’s. If you had a daughter, more often than not, she would be buried alive. Awful, right?

Then Islam was introduced to the world, and skipping some details, the verse for women to cover up was revealed. People assume many things about this, that we put the onus on women, that we try to hide them, but this is not the case. In fact, hiding them is a pretty ridiculous notion, if you imagine a fully covered female strolling down an Aussie beach on a hot summer’s day. Modesty is only a part of it.

The fact is, the hijab meant more than that. It was liberation. Putting it on meant they were no longer burdened by the awful conventions of the time. It meant they had rights. Rights to be protected and respected, educated and married, financially, physically and emotionally provided for. They had the right to own property, and the right to raise our own kids. Baby girls would no longer be buried alive. In the words of Dr Muhammad Ansari: Islam has raised the status of women from below the Earth to so high that Paradise lies at her feet.

This is exactly what the headscarf means to me - that we women no longer belong to man, but to something much higher. We are not hiding from society – we’re shouting it out, loud and proud.

Grand story, if I may say so myself. That being said, in today’s world, the hijab seems to have lost that meaning, having been used and abused, exploited as a tool of oppression, rather than a symbol of freedom. France has even taken the step to ban it, as I’m sure you would have heard. It seems to me that they think that eliminating this ‘thing’ that stands out is the best way to create a peaceful society.

I think they’re wrong, and I think that [Oompa Loompa Land where we live] is a case in point. I’m proud to be a part of this community. I’m proud to be in a class that holds a dozen or so members of different ethnicities and religions. I’m proud to walk through town, to see different coloured faces, differently dressed people, walking side by side as seamlessly as a river flows. I’m proud to see mosques, churches and temples standing strong in complete serenity. I’m proud to know that a Lions’ Club barbeque will provide halal meat, that the [local] Library provides books in multiple languages, that there’s a whole street dedicated to Little India and the Afghan Bazaar, that on Christmas there’s always a special Carols by Candlelight event, and every year, on the 26^th of January, peoples’ whose origins extend to places from so far away can still all gather together at the same park and celebrate the existence of this beautiful country.

I’m proud to know that I don’t really feel excluded here – I never have, even, so long ago, being the only one in my primary school besides my sister wearing a headscarf. That teacher that I wanted to impress, who first encouraged me to wear it? Your average, run of the mill primary school teacher – not even a Muslim. People have approached me with curiosity, but never with hate. I’ve heard of people who have been racially harassed somewhere sometime, but I myself have not experienced this. 

Some say that in order to live in harmony, we have to put aside our differences. This community has shown that that isn’t necessary – we can keep our differences, showcase them even, it’s just about acceptance and understanding. Rather than trying to bury multiculturalism, or eliminate it as the problem, [where we live] celebrates it, embraces it, and respects it.

As Maya Angelou, a prominent figure in the American Civil Rights Movement, once said: “We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their colour.”

Thank you for listening, and I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Hm. I've been thinking of some positive thoughts, and I came up with this:
1. I've pretty much aced all my SACs so far this year.
2. I have the cutest cat in the world.
3. I got to say 'I told you so' to someone today.
4. I'm reading Quintana of Charyn, which is superdy awesome.
5. I ate two chocolatey things today. 

Peace in,
Laila