Delayed Gratification

So I mentioned Ramadan, and I have a habit of just assuming everyone knows what I'm talking about...

But then I realised that no, people can't read my mind, so I should give those of you who don't know a little run down on Ramadan and it's purpose.

Ramadan is basically a month on the Muslim calendar (or lunar calendar) whereby Muslims all over the world - theoretically - fast for an entire month. 30 or 29 days. Fasting refers to us abstaining from eating or drinking from sunrise to sunset, as well as... intimate pleasure time (okay, I'm immature, I won't say it. Shut up.). 

So what's the point of it? Sounds pretty ridiculous I suppose, and you may wonder what kind of a religion we have - or God we have - that demands we starve ourselves for entire days, huh? 

First and foremost, it's because God ordered it in our Holy book. We hear and we obey. But there's always a reason, right?

Well, as a child, I was always told it was to 'feel for the poor'. That's true; partially anyway. Fasting really does open your eyes to an ounce of what poverty and starvation feels like. Only thing is, at the end of the day - although we're not supposed to, really - we get a meal usually enough to feed the neighbourhood. Those poor people don't. But Ramadan also calls for an increase in giving zakat - that's charity - and when you're feeling the way you do, you really do give that charity with sincere empathy. Tis what I believe, anyway.

But I think the most significant purpose of fasting is the concept of 'delayed gratification'. Have you noticed how not only does everyone in the world always want want want, but they also want it now now now? That's human nature. Ever since Satan lured Adam and Eve into eating that apple, mankind became aware of desire, and they have a pretty difficult time controlling it. Actually, scratch that. They don't really bother controlling it. It's a material world, sunshine.

Creepily enough, it can start from just after birth. How your mother feeds you. If your mother was the type that fed you every time you bawled just to keep you quiet, you learn from that age that you can control your parents. You can get what you want when you want it. In actual fact, as a baby, you should not be dealt with like that. You need a routine. My Islamic teacher, after giving birth to her first child (and she was Christian at the time), she went to a course about 'raising kids God's way', or something like that, and that's what they told her. You have to feed your baby, change your baby, play with your baby, put your baby to sleep, and repeat the cycle. Given 6 weeks, your baby will figure out that there's a time for everything, he/she can't get what he/she wants whenever he/she wants it, and will sleep through the whole night.

Nice thought, huh?

That's how God makes the world work. There are certain times for certain things, and only He knows the things you need at what time. And sometimes, you may want something bad, but the fact is, you can't have it straight away. You may have to earn the money to buy it. You may have to lose the weight to wear it. You may have to learn the process to do it. Whatever it is, it's not always going to fall into the palm of your hand the second you think 'I want'.

Hence, Ramadan. You spend the entire day controlling your desire to just eat - or whatever - and then at the end of the day, the relief, the gratitude, the pleasure, the satisfaction you get just out of eating a single date is more than you'll ever get our of splurging for an entire day. You learn to value what you have much more when you have to be without it.

Ramadan isn't just about abstinence either. It's about maintaining your patience, and doing more good deeds. It's supposed to build better habits in you and give you an opportunity to drop your bad ones. For example, losing your temper can potentially break your fast, but you won't know for sure. So if you do have a meltdown, you still have to fast for the rest of the day, and what's more annoying than realising it may be completely pointless because you losing your temper may in fact render your fast worthless? Tempers, gossip, lies... they all go in here.

In the end, it all comes down to preparing for your 'next life'. Jews, Christians, Muslims alike, believe there's something after death. I don't know the fine details of the other faiths, but for us Muslims, you either get Heaven or Hell. Or both, if you have sinned, you get a dip in the Fire before you get Paradise, but either way, it's out of those two. Ramadan shows you that if you can endure the day without indulging, the feast at the end of the day is your reward. In life, if you can endure the trials and tribulations of the world by maintaining a good character and staying true to God, at the end of the day - or in your next life, it will all pay off. 

Delayed gratification, darling ;)

I hope I... enlightened you... and I hope my information is correct. Forgive me if not...

Any questions? Do ask. I'll do my best to answer, or find you an answer... ^^

ATM:

Writing: Standard Procedure. I just finished it; a short story I wrote for a write-off I entered on Arianna's blog.... my first ever. It's so difficult, at least pour moi.... we'll see what happens....

Reading: Collected Stories. Peter Carey. Um, it's for Literature. The first two stories I found quirkily awesome, but I've heard... things... about the others... and now I'm not so sure.... o.O

Listening to: Never Grow Up. Taylor Swift :')

Feeling: Content. Ramadan's doing it for me ^^

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Peace in,

Laila

Welcome Ramadan

Yeah, so Ramadan kind of crept up on us, but alas, today is the close of the first day.

Well, second day, actually, 'cause we missed the first. Once again with the split in opinions about when the first day actually was, some ended up starting on Friday, some on Saturday. However, in contrast to last year, this was much better. I think it has something to do with the major embarrassment in the variety of starting days last year, the arguments between groups, to the point a Sheikh went ahead and sent an email to Islamic leaders everywhere and said that's IT. There are two ways you figure it out, either is right, do not squabble over it because you're missing the point. We are supposed to be a united front, after all, this is supposed to be a religion of brotherhood/sisterhood, etc.

Life is pretty good, I guess. First week back at school, the homework has been loaded on, but that was to be expected, right? Oh, but some interesting stuff has happened.

For example: most of you must know that a lot of Muslims have a fear/hatred of dogs. We shouldn't, because the only hadith is that we're not to keep them as pets, but I guess in a way of trying to encourage us to stay away from them, our parents instilled fear, and it's been running for generations. Not all, but some.

So Star has a dog. I'm pretty okay with it, mainly because I know she has Shadow under control. My poor cousin, however, does not. Because he's fresh out of the Curry land, he has no concept of this dogs-as-cuddly-pets thing. Dogs on the street, yeah, dogs as guards, yeah, but not as pets. So when Star came walking to my house as per usual with Shadow, well, it was pretty hilarious. Like, she had kept Shadow at the bottom of the stairs, on the grass, but because of my sisters' & cousin's curiosity, she called Shadow up. Shadow bounded up the stairs, and I knew she would stop right beside Star, but my cousin was like O_O and he bolted. 

Like, to me, so far, he's been the fearless one. I have never even seen him flinch. And here, right in the face of a leetle doggie, he did a runner.

I was cracking up and feeling pretty tough. I mean, my sisters ran too, and I'm just chilling out.... hehe. And because my sisters kept begging, Star went ahead to put on a show of Shadow's tricks (Star is SO good at training her dogs). They were oooh-ing and ahh-ing, and my cousin was so fascinated he was filming it on his phone (how embarrassing) and then it got to the last shebang. Star has this trick where she stands some distance away and calls Shadow, and Shadow will come running and literally jump into her arms; it's really cute. So she went ahead to do that, but she was standing towards our door, right? My cousin was out filming, just a little behind her, and because he didn't know what she was planning to do, when she called Shadow and Shadow came running, he bolted for the second time... like... aw, it's so hard to explain. Kinda have to be there to appreciate it. Still, awesomely hilarious.

Right. Okay, so there's this show called Dumb, Drunk & Racist, which is a stereotype for Aussies. Basically, this guy takes four Indians who have fairly negative opinions or have heard only negatives about Australia, and he gives them a tour of the best and worst of Australia so they can formulate their own view and figure if we're all really 'dumb, drunk and racist'. So far, it has been a pretty good sort of thing - the only drawback is that my sister accidentally invited my cousin to watch. Now, we can handle this stuff, we're kind of used to it. My cousin is not. Seeing girls in bikinis on the beach is just shocking to him. Hearing the swearing and abuse is frightening. So far, the only concern he's mentioned to me about being here is that he's worried that at the universities, they won't accept Sri Lankans well. Little does he know that's nothing compared to everything else. Australia is going to rip out what innocence he has and tear it to shreds just before setting it on fire.

Now, we keep missing the show on TV, so we watch it on the internet. A few days ago, we were doing some catching up, but I could only watch one episode with them because I had to do my homework. I'm glad I missed the second part, because it was just vile. So firstly, my cousin was introduced to the concept of homosexuals. He's 19 and he didn't know about them - that's how sheltered he was. I'm not going to preach about my opinions on that, but that wasn't the vile I was talking about. This is:

So I'm sure you guys know the concept of a hen's night? Like a bachelorette party? Girl getting married, has a 'girls night out' thing? I've already heard about the stuff they get into, and I already thought it was disgusting that they hired male strippers. I mean, please. You're getting married. You're going to have your intimate pleasure time. Why do you need to have that male stripper experience like you're never going to be able to get it on ever again? Just.. disgusting.

But the one that these Indians got taken to was on a whole new level. I'll just say one thing, because I don't want to go into the rest. Straws. The straws - for drinks - were shaped as male private parts. 

How vulgar is that? I don't get it. I really don't. It's just trashy and disgusting and ... ugh, feral. Does anyone have any dignity or respect these days? Am I the only one who didn't know that happened and feels that there is something just completely wrong about that? I honestly... honestly don't GET IT! PLEASE. If you do: EXPLAIN.

I don't get a lot of things, actually. Remember Operation Abby? Yeah, well, that's a fail. See, while I'm trying to play the 'good angel', Abby's got an even tougher 'bad angel'. This girl advocates for the ban of marriage, promiscuity and getting drunk as much as possible. The thing is, I like this girl. I like her because she doesn't deny what she does. She doesn't try to sugar coat it, and she's dead honest about it. She's confident. And you know, she doesn't really preach it, but because Abby saw it as glamourous, this girl has taken her under her wing, and this girl is much more convincing than I am.

But I think I know Abby. Abby is clearly that girl dreaming of a fairytale wedding one day. Maybe not a white picket fence family, but a guy who will treat her like a princess and stay loyal. But she just... doesn't seem to...well, she thinks she will find it by continuously throwing herself around. She thinks she will get it by playing sexy at parties, getting drunk, wearing skimpy clothes and flirting outrageously. I may not have been in a relationship, but I think it's fairly logical to assume that when you act cheap, make yourself too available to every guy who looks your way, chances are that guy is not going to be Prince Charming. That guy is going to be Prince Looking-for-an-Easy-Target. Prince Opportunity-to-Get-Laid-Without-Commitment. If you want a guy whose loyal and all that, you have to set a standard. It's just... tragic. Like the picture I've got on the side there:  

It is better for a girl to sleep a hundred years and be kissed and awakened by the right prince than to stay awake and be kissed a hundred times by the wrong frog.  

I'm not going to draw lines around the dating game, everyone has different values. But I don't think any person can believe that acting like an s-word-rhyming-with-mutt is going to get you someone decent.

I'm going to stop about here ^^ I was going to talk about other stuff, but I think the more I write in one post, it puts you off reading. I can delay it. 

That being said, last year I had a theme in Ramadan. I was putting up Islamic songs, I think? This year, I'm gonna go with pictures :) (I don't have direct links to where I got these pictures from, but they're mostly from weheartit ^^)

ATM:

Writing: Chipped. & Star and I are working diligently on planning our collab novel. It's SO AWESOME.

Reading: Skulduggery Pleasant and the Death Bringer. Derek Landy. The guy is hilarious.

Listening to: Hands. Racheal Leahcar cover. Original by Jewel? I think it's a beautiful song, through and through, and I highly recommend you listen.

Feeling: Peaceful. Ramadan has that vibe ^^

If I could tell the world just one thing

It would be, that we're all okay

And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless

I won't be idle with despair

I will gather myself around my faith

For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own,

But they're not yours, they are my own,

And I am never broken

Peace in,

Laila

A Dark Cloud

So the holidays have been rather eventful.

I mean, it's weird, 'cause it doesn't feel like we've done much, and yet there's always something happening. People come, we go out. We make stuff, we watch stuff. There's homework. Lots of little happenings here and there. 

Like the last weekend, we were literally out all day - Saturday and Sunday. Woke up both mornings, had breakfast, and then went out and came back after midnight. We went visiting. Saturday we met this cutesy Arab looking baby (spawned by two Sri Lankan parents... I have hope ^^ ), we went to a number of other houses, one being my friend... Raz. Our families go way back, although we don't see each other much, and we had this hilarious time comparing our families and realising our mothers were both the snooty 'Scary Aunt' of our families, and our dads both still have their primitive highly embarrassing 'village' habits, despite living in Australia for over two decades.

LoL x)

Oh, and this is weird. So Raz... and Ray (gosh, it's so weird calling them that), have this older brother. Now, we don't really talk to him, 'cause, well, we don't need to. But this time we asked about him 'cause we wanted to know if our cousin would have some entertainment (poor guy gets dragged to all the houses with girls 'cause of us), and they said something about him being out, but they didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Then we really got into this lengthy discussion... of how little we (them included) knew about him. I mean, they're his sisters, but apparently he rarely talks to them, he sidles in and out of the house with minimum communication, and if the family is having some massive battle, he never participates, heck, if you throw insults at him, he won't react. Although their summary was: 'he's just weird', mine was like: 'WOW, that's freaky awesome, possible character?!'

(I do that a lot.)

And Sunday we went to my Himdawg's house (I love that nickname), and it was so late (dude, who visits at 11pm??) and we got into this heated Uno game and we were screaming and laughing - I don't even know why - but it was awesome.

Yeah. That's been happening many times, us getting carried away over practically nothing. Hm.

Also, we've been going out on long walks lately, when the weather's good. My mother let's us because our Big Bad Cousin is their to watch our backs from, well, y'know, random creepy rapists and stalkers and all those other people you meet strolling through the park on a sunny day... echhem, the point is, we found this awesomely long trail that goes all the way to this faraway park and will provide for much adventure. Heck, there were two trails, but I don't know where the other one is. 

So adventure is really at my doorstep :)

But despite these small and joyful happenings, a dark cloud hangs over the house, as I said to Linch... I don't know if I've said it before, but my house is going through the Mysis Family Financial Crisis. A friend of my dad's swindled him big time in some business they had going on. It's bad that my dad lost of a lot of money and was betrayed by one of his close friends, but what's worse is, when the business was at it's peak of awesomeness, my dad got a whole lot of others to join in. They too ended up swindled, and they're royally peed off. A lot of people are suffering, and there's nothing they can do about it.

I hate business. I hate money. OH! There was something really shocking I had to say!

So on Monday, I spent the day first at school for a supposed Literature lesson (Mr H didn't show up), then went to Star's for tuition. I came home early 'cause we had Uncle and Aunty at our place. Uncle and Aunty... I don't even know their names (I think I know Uncle's name), but basically they're like my Aussie grandparent figures, I've known them since forever and everything. So anyway, they were there, and as we're Curries, it got to you know, how's school, what subjects are you doing, what do you want to be?

Now, for some reason, midwifery is seen as somewhat controversial in the Curry parent perspective. I think it's because in Sri-Lanka, it's not a 'respectable' occupation, you know? Like how I said teachers aren't 'respectable' as much here? So they kind of apply that thinking over here. My mother, for one, has that mindset and is severely disappointed in my picking that path - and she also thinks that I have potential to aim higher, and because of that, I should, because it'll give me a superb status in le Curry Community.

I know it's superficial, but I can understand that she was brought up differently. (I love my mother. Sometimes I dislike what she thinks and demands, but I love her anyhow.) 

But that night, that was something wayyy overboard. Aunty didn't like my career choice. She didn't say it straight out, but she said it's not that... good.... and that it doesn't pay much. My sister jumped to my defence and started rambling on about how good it would be to have a Muslim midwife over here, and how it's a lovely job, and how I have to choose my job or I'll never be happy in life, etc etc. (We have our differences, my sister and I, but I'll tell you one thing: in any argument, you want her on your side.) 

My mother, I think, got excited that for once there was someone on her side. So she tag-teamed with Aunty and together they tried to convince me (or well, my sister) otherwise. They said that you have to get a job that pays a lot. They said it's nice to think you don't need a lot of money to be happy, but it's a lie. They said that when all your friends get a higher salary than you, you're going to envy them. They said that sadly, money is man's master.

I was shocked. I was disgusted. While, in a sense, cynically enough, a lot of the world is ruled by money-hungry morons, I cannot fathom how my mother, under the influence of this apparently wise Aunty who speaks from experience could preach such a thing. I mean, aren't they supposed to be the ones telling me that as long as you have God on your side, you can be happy however? Aren't they supposed to be telling me that the poorest man is the most humble? Aren't they supposed to be warning mey against getting too materialistic, about appreciating what you have and contributing positively to the world? How the most important thing is to be a good person, not a rich person?

This Aunty was basically telling me to chase money. Yeah, they used flowery language, but I was so shocked I threw it back at them. I worded it bluntly, and they kinda paused, then went on saying that's not what they were saying, but when someone says 'MONEY IS MAN'S MASTER', don't you think it's a leetle crystal clear?

I was disappointed, severely. To her defence, my mother's not usually like that, I think she was just caught up in the moment. And anyway, for me to know that what they were saying was wrong does some credit to how she brought me up, right? Aunty... well... I won't say much on her :/ But Uncle, he proved to be surprisingly awesome, telling me quietly that it was a beautiful job and he'll always support me, no matter what. Did I mention that since I was tiny, he used to call me Aborigine 'cause I was brown and the first to be born in Australia? Lame Curry humour :P

The funniest thing about that episode, however, was that they were standing about discussing my career, and I barely contributed. 

Anyway, back to the dark cloud over the house. So the Mysis Family Financial Crisis is really stressing my parents out. They're highly strung, easily irritable. My father freaks out if a light is left on five seconds longer than necessary, and he takes out his anger by blaming my mother. My mother cannot do the whole 'stay silent and let it go' (and it's hard to, 'cause he just says stupid things) and they get into fights. My older sister is being a queen brat. It's like...

It's like no one in this family can just go with it. You know how sometimes people want to unload all their burdens onto you, and you can't do anything about it, you can't help, but it makes them feel better to vent, so you just listen to them whine despite it annoying you? (Like I am forever doing on here ^^) You don't slap them in the face and tell them to get real. You just let it go.

In this family, the problem is no one is willing to just listen and not react. I do it all the time, because, well, firstly, I was tired of all the fighting. So now, most of the time, when my mother is irrationally angry and just yelling at me, I let her take it out, remain silent, and soon it's all good. That's how I learnt to make each crazy situation stay at its minimum. Unfortunately, no one in my family appears to be able to do the same. They all get so fired up, all the time, and they rage and rant and I swear it's an ongoing war in this household.

I'm sort of immune, I guess, 'cause I've heard it too many times and now I just lock myself in my room and let them at each other. But my sympathies lie with my cousin.

There's this book, I read, ages ago, called The Year the Gypsies Came, by Linzi Glass. Absolute tragedy, and beautifully, poetically written. No one really understood why I loved it, 'cause to some it was dull, but I donno. To me it was haunting. But I also figured out that our families relate.

The family in that story are dysfunctional and disconnected. Besides the love between the daughters, the parents are distant, because they come from two different worlds, and they struggle to manage their daughters. The only time the family brightens up is when visitors are around, and then they put on a charade so graciously it's like they're the perfect family. 

Sometimes I feel like that's what my family's like. And I was hoping, when I heard my cousin was coming, that he would have the same effect. I thought maybe my family would go back to their happy charade, and eventually they'd start making it really work. I think it happened for a while, but the problem is, well, he's family. You don't really hold pretences around family. And now he's stuck here, in this little piece of a nightmare.

It'll work out. I'm sure it will. I'm praying everyday, and I'm sure that soon, the guy who swindled my father will pay him back. And things will be better Ramadan is coming soon, as well, and that tends to create an awesome atmosphere. I'm sorry most of this is depressing, but I needed to write that out, and I'm really sure that things will, definitely, absolutely get better. God don't give us a burden we can't bear, right? ;)

ATM: 

Reading: Fear. Michael Grant. Loved it, of course, and the end is like whoaaa, but I wish Edillio wasn't gay -_-' I was in love with him.

Writing: Chipped. Okay, I'm going back to it, but I finished that story I think I mentioned before? It's called Phantasm, and I worked really hard on it, and I would really appreciate it if you read it. Don't feel obliged to, but if you feel like reading something, please do, and give me feedback.

Listening to: Cry. Kelly Clarkson. *sigh* I love her. Just the way she sings.

Feeling: Rejuvenated. Uh, I kinda just went out before posting this, so, yeah :P

Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really

Cry? 

Peace in,

Laila